I emerge from my coffin of doom.

the 81st experience has begun...

CJ CURRY S05 E01: YOU'RE GONNA HATE ME FOR THIS...

So. Welcome back to the CJ Curry Experience for 2011. I'm CJ, I eat curry, and this is the Experience.

If you're just joining me this season, I encourage you to look through the archive of my inanity for all the rubbish I'm about to share with you, so I can avoid typing it again. But here goes anyway, for the ignorant ones.

Full name: CJ.

Address: people address me as CJ.

Postcode: the Enigma code.

Home Phone: ET.

Marital Status: not yet.

Occupation: student.

Race: 1500m. If you take issues of race seriously, then it's the mile.

Height: ten foot three.

Weight: twenty stone.

Unusual Quirks: likes using the Imperial measurement system to piss people off.

Smoker: only when I'm on fire.

Drinker: only from the well of lost dreams.

Time Spent Drinking: 18 years. (In base ten.)

Age: 20 years. (In base ten.)

Glasses Drunk Per Day: depends how big the glass is.

Physical Exercise: limited only to sex.

Years Spent Doing Physical Exercise: 19 years. (In base ten.)

Time Spent Blogging: unknown...

Outfit: bandanna, shorts/jeans, one or two slogan/sarcastic T-shirts, occasionally a hoodie. Oh, and also underwear. Wristwatch (soon). Lanyard with my keys on. Sometimes all white with armour and a plank of wood lovingly called a "cricket bat".

Video Games: probably over a hundred by now. Don't ask me to count them. I'll probably collapse.

Music: see post 77 (from Season 4).

Aim: bulls-eye.

I think that's about it. If you want to know anything else, then psychically transmit your question into my head, and wait 36 years for a reply. Cheers.

This year... I will be six foot three.

I now live in a flat. (A flat what?)

This year I already had a cold. (A cold what?)

I tell a lot of bad jokes. (Jokes what?)

THE ABC OF CJ CURRY:

• aeroplane
• bicycle
• cheese
• derriére
• eggs
• fuck you! friday
• grand!
• haha.
• I'm
• just
• kidding.
• Look!
• My
• noms
• on
• pie!
• Quirky.
• RARR.
• Stupidity?
• Tricked you!
• Umbrella, I guess...
• V for Vendetta
• whisky and beer, never fear
• XXX is for porno! And beer!
• yes, I hate beer.
• Zee end.

Adieu. For now. But not for later.

join the experience again soon...