July 22, 2012

Like what I've done with the place?

I am CJ Curry. This is the Experience. And you are about to collapse in a screaming heap.

EPISODE ONE FORTY ONE: THE SHIT HITS THE FAN... AGAIN!

July is rolling to a close and has decided to become a burden on me. That statement has absolutely no relevance to the plot of this blog and will be discontinued immediately upon cessation of this paragraph. Rest assured, all the cow orkers I have at this facility will be immediately fired.

I believe it's a Curryland tradition to introduce myself at the start of each season, just like it's tradition to sacrifice the virgin at certain rituals. That being said, if you don't like it, you simply have the option to switch off. Haters gonna hate and all that shit, but I hate haters and I say "hater haters gonna hate haters". I'm also going to be lazy (hater haters gonna hate haters) and steal all the data for this post from my Wikipedia page.

It began with a name...
...and that name was CJ.


CJ is currently under the influence of several thousand psychedelic drugs, including oxygen and pandolinium, to name a few. He believes he was born in the year 1990, but in reality, he was probably born closer to the year 1989. We don't[citation needed] know for certain when he was born, but we know that: a) somebody was obviously playing a CORNY JOKE on the universe, and b) he was born, thus completing God's greatest mistake. 


CJ was born to be a blogger. From age 2, he was a reader of Melways and a CALCULATOR JOCKEY. This led him naturally into computer science and mathematics. From computers, it was a pretty easy[citation needed] step to blogging. The randomness exhibited in some blogs is a product of his imagination, sleep deprivation, bad psychotropic habit, and cheese. The cheese was not authorised by Curryland authorities.


Eventually, CJ did indeed graduate high school (at unknown age), went to university (at unknown age, but we presume the two are unrelated), and naturally studied to become a COMPUTER JERK. He runs Windows 7 Pro SP1, Mac OS 10.5.8 and Xubuntu 12.04. He describes himself as "pansexual, that is, if computers were sexuality".


CJ's friends best describe him as a maths nerd[citation needed], a CHEESY JESTER, and a freak of nature. Of those, only two are strictly correct. CJ has poor general knowledge - just enough to help him win some trivia nights - ergo, he is better described as a maths geek. He is also described as someone who "plans things meticulously" and with "horrifyingly deliberate precision", but that he "can also go with the flow" and "is flexible". These four descriptions all come from CJ himself.


(Incidentally, it is worth noting that CJ is responsible for creating a whole new genre of music. Dissatisfied with the smoothness of smooth jazz, the acidity of acid jazz, the fuses in jazz fusion and the generality of generic jazz, he invented a whole new style that took jazz to a new level. It's not cool. It's not cold. It's colder than cool, it's CRYOGENIC JAZZ. The jazz has not been authorised by Curryland media.)


It has often been said that CJ lacks a birthday. The only hint he has given on this matter is that he "last celebrated it roughly four years ago". CJ clearly lacks CAKE JOY, but also states that "the cake is a lie". All that is known is his age, which is 22. A team of investigators is currently researching this claim: first, to see if it is correct; second, to see what base the number 22 is in.


Finally, it is[citation needed] worth noting that CJ has quoted that "CJ stands for just about anything you want it to". He is CLEARLY JOSHING.


Whew. Sorted. Now I am about to embark on a journey of 65 days, though that could just as easily be cut down to as few as 39. Season Eight shall be a big one. Don't touch that QWERTY.

(Incidentally, I have finished Evangelion.)

G

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