August 17, 2012

Bammmmmmmmm.

I am CJ Curry. This is the Experience. And you are about to lose The Game, again and again.

EPISODE ONE FOUR FIVE: PLEASE PLEASE LET ME GO!

?

Shazap. I have appeared and ruined whatever fun you were just having five seconds ago. Time to be even more wreckworthy, in my opinion. The method shall be aeroplane, the timing shall be plenty, and there will be the sound of violins being played with orchestral manœuvres at, erm, night-time.

Crunch.

hear an alley cat?

Here is a Curryland employee and resident and friend and servant whom I wish to have you meet. His name is JakJak and three of his five senses are missing. Thankfully he makes up for it by having supremely awesomely amazing senses of sight and taste. He can also speak five hundred languages and jump off the Eiffel Tower without so much as a scratch. Oy!

Also, Julian Assange is in the news again. Bastard. Why can't I be in the news? Curryland needs all the promotioningness it can get!

Games that are next on my list for completion:

  • Professor Layton IV (and London Life)
  • Borderlands
  • Wii Cricket
  • Pikmin 2

Unfortunately, due to a snafu earlier today, I am forced somewhat to make this a short post, leave you lot to your fun, and hold over the content I was going to post today next time. Which should be within a week.

I'm dangerous... and we are the people who'll rule the world.

Y

August 13, 2012

Dozen! Dozen!

I am CJ Curry. This is the Experience. And you just had an all-consuming powerful urge to feed this text through text-to-speech to find out what I really sound like, across the other side of the digital void.

EPISODE ONE FOUR FOUR: OH, GROSS!

I wish to be the leader of a messed-up generation. Much like Cæsar, I will take on the title CJ. I would, of course, change leadership every 525,600 minutes, from CJ to CJ, passing it down the line of CJs. Until finally, one day, the messed-up generation will no longer be messed-up and I'll have to find a new land to take over. One that grows cheese and lemmings in rye fields.

...and I expect you to be crushed!!!

Right in front of my face... sits a pile of papers. Right in front of that pile of papers... sits a keyboard. Right in front of that keyboard... is a monitor. Right in front of that monitor... is a pile of bottle caps. Right in front of those bottle caps... is a pen. Sitting there like a pen. Right in front of that pen... is a Wii. Right in front of that Wii... is a mouse. Right in front of that mouse... is a receipt. Right in front of that receipt... is evidence that my desk is overwhelmingly cluttered.

...or else I will end you!!!

I AM OCEAN BIRD. I HAVE APPEARED BEFORE YOU WITH A WARNING. THE WORLD WILL SOON RUN OUT OF LOGARITHMS. I AM HOPING YOU HAVE ENOUGH STORED TO CREATE AN IMPACT UPON THE PUNY CITIZENS OF THIS EARTH. SOMEWHERE. SOMETIME. SOMEHOW. IF YOU DO NOT... WELL... THAT IS PATHETIC. GO EAT SOME KABANA.

...this is your final warning!!!

sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet

...I will fuck you up!!!

I've got the key, I've got the secret. In my heart I locked a secret, but your leaving was the key. OUT OF THE SKY. Hoo-fuckin'-ray. Beat that on your drum, get ravey, and, erm, just have fun. Okay? Seriously, kids these days...

Also, for those who were wondering:
WINDOWS 7 (Chess Titans) vs. XUBUNTU 12.04 (glChess)
1. d4 Nf6 2. c4 e6 3. Nc3 Bb4 4. Nf3 b6 5. g3 Ba6 6. Qa4 c5 7. Bg2 Bxc4 8. Nd2 Bd5 9. Nxd5 exd5 10. dxc5 bxc5 11. Qb3 Bxd2+ 12. Bxd2 c4 13. Qe3+ Qe7 14. Qxe7+ Kxe7 15. Bc3 Ke6 16. Bxf6 gxf6 17. 0-0-0 Nc6 18. Bxd5+ Kf5 19. Rd2 Ne5 20. Bxa8 (at this point, some human Black players would resign) Rxa8 21. f4 c3 22. bxc3 Nc4 23. Rxd7 Re8 24. Rxf7 (White is clearly overwhelming Black) Rxe2 25. Rxa7 Rd2 26. Ra4 Nb2 27. Rb4 Nc4 28. a4 Re2 29. Rxc4 h6 (Black surely must be giving up by now) 30. h3 h5 31. Rd1 Ke6 32. Rc6+ Kf5 33. Rdd6 Re1+ 34. Kd2 Rb1 35. Rxf6+ Ke4 36. Rce6+ Kf3 37. Re3+ Kf2 38. f5 Rb7 39. Rd6 Rc7 40. f6 Rc4 41. f7 Rc8 42. Re8 Kg1 43. Rxc8 Kf2 44. f8Q+ Kxg3 45. Rg6+ Kxh3 46. Qf1+ (nail in the coffin) Kh4 47. Qh1# 1-0
WINDOWS 7: 1 win from 1 game
XUBUNTU 12.04: 1 loss from 1 game
MAC OS X: 0 games

L

August 6, 2012

When I count three...

I am CJ Curry. This is the Experience. And, back in the days of your, yore all wrong with you're usage of "your", "yore" and "you're".

EPISODE ONE FOUR THREE: THE NAMELESS

Coming up this season: we will pit Windows 7, Mac OS 10.5.8 and Xubuntu 12.04 against each other in a bitter round-robin grudge-match series of chess; we will discuss the finer points of yoghurt, freaky electronica and cooch grass; we will have a look back at the last four years in great in-depth detail, relapse and decide not to do it ever again.

One fine day. In two, the weakly. North west three.

I recently interviewed the aspects of my psyche, according to Freud, and here's what they had to say:

  1. THE EGO: Hey, CJ, I think it's time for you to get off Blogspot and go to sleep.
  2. THE ID: FuHUCK that. Sleep deprivation is awesome!
    THE EGO: You have to drive in the morning. Get some snooze.
    THE ID: You've done this before. Remember when you stayed up all night watching Evangelion?
    THE EGO: You also have to work. Work before pleasure!
    THE ID: But you're gonna feel so good when you finally go to sleep!
    THE EGO: Be responsible and go to sleep.
    THE ID: You only live once, bitch!
  3. THE SUPEREGO: This looks like a play. The Ego and The Id look like they're scripted characters playing the parts of the shoulder-angel and shoulder-devil, respectively. My part looks... not very much like a superego and more like a narrator. I think we should end this bizarre ritual here.
    [THE ID and THE EGO look at THE SUPEREGO.]
    THE SUPEREGO: Also, you sleep, you live longer and you get work done better tomorrow.
    THE ID: Piss off!
    THE EGO: [at the same time] Piss off!
    [THE SUPEREGO slinks off. THE ID and THE EGO are about to resume their argument, but they hear a loud roar. Both exit, pursued by a bear.]
Cricket stumps. Sides of a triangle. Amount of Sims games (currently) on the market, excluding expansion packs and "stuffpacks".

gasp gasp gasp
I should offer straws to people who've just run a marathon. They will be gasping at straws.

ring ring ring
What if Mr. Watson was in some kind of trouble, and required Alexander Graham's assistance? Mr. Watson would have been saved by a Bell.

hell hell hell
Mrs. Handbasket's daughter Helen was always a handful, and got even worse as she grew up. She therefore decided to nickname her Helena Handbasket.

try
{
beFunny();
}
catch
{
CJMakesBadJokes();
}
finally
{
smackCJOutWithAShovel();
}

uu uu uwa uwa
uu uu uwa uwa
uu uu uwa uwa

POWER.
WISDOM.
COURAGE.

John and Jim were born on the same day, to the same mother, in the same hospital, within three minutes. They are not twins. Why not?

Alright, that's it. I'm actually off. Have fun, folks!

F
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