November 16, 2009

Whose year is it, anyway?

feeeeeeeeeeeeeep

toc toc toc

*ahem*


Last time on the CJ Curry Experience, we interviewed James Joyce, Charles Darwin and Marylin Monroe. We had an online water fight, which I won quite easily. I also managed to invent the time machine and the polarised cat5 cable. We promised that this week would be fun. Well, it won't, because this is the last CJ Curry Experience from S2. Haha!

Welcome back to the CJ Curry Experience. I mention this only because it's part of a pattern.

POST 40: ...AND WE DON'T KNOW WHERE WE'RE GOING (pt 2 of 2)

I kinda lied last post, I do have a lot of good points. So here is my 2009 in review. First by date, then by stat.
  • Highest point: February 21-March 1, during O Week at LTU. I missed out on one day, but MAN did I enjoy everything else! For the first time I started thinking whether I could organise stuff like that, but at the time it was a fleeting thought.
  • Second highest point: October 7, finding out that I had been made Study Mentor for next year. I'd been eyeing it off since at least August, possibly July, and maybe even earlier. I don't remember. Either way, I was happy as anything.
  • Lowest point: October 12-18, the hardest week I have faced at uni. Being Study Mentor, I had a lot of training and such to do already, and this, compounded with a medical complaint and two very hefty assignments, made me think for the first time since being at uni that "I may be in over my head". Thankfully, I'm not.
  • First university experience: February 22. Move-in day.
  • First Eagle Bar experience: February 26.
  • First drinking experience (that is, tipsy or beyond): June 4. That was a gooooooood night.
  • Last exam: still to come...
  • Blogspot posts made: 40
  • Facebook statuses: 242
  • Tweets: 638
  • Nodermeets visited: 1
  • Wallets destroyed: 1
  • Lectures attended: 252
  • Songs now in my playlist: 6,376
  • Formal shoes worn: twice
  • Suit worn: twice
  • Games clocked (def: beating the final boss at least once): 8
  • Games hundred-percented (def: unlocking everything, beating everything): 1
  • Sleepless nights: 24
  • Highest score on Spelunky: 104,680
  • Amount of Portello consumed: not enough
I promised to write about the meeting I went to. It can be found here.

And finally, the writeup headers' references!
  1. "Everything I say is being <> bananas." -- Red Dwarf. The crew are in AR, and they are being edited.
  2. "Get the squid for the next scene." -- Everything2. The node is called "He said 'tentacle porn', so I stuck my dick in a toaster and went from there."
  3. "I was once a clueless young nerd-boy..." -- Half Everything2 (I was once a clueless young noder...) and half Sluggy Freelance (nerd-boy). I like that rabbit.
  4. "All you can eat? We'll see about that..." -- Dilbert. Not the comic, the TV show. Dilbert's dad isn't coming home until he's had all he can eat.
  5. "THE GOLDEN AGE OF GOLD." -- Not sure what inspired this one, actually.
  6. "Spotlight eyes on endless skies." -- Cryptic, by Pin Me Down. As found on Kitsuné Maison's compilation nr. 6 (IIRC).
  7. "I wish to register a complaint!" -- If you don't know where this comes from, we can no longer be friends.
  8. "I'm blogging and I can't get up." -- Again, this should be obvious.
  9. "D'you get wafers with it?" -- Another Monty Python gem.
  10. "Spare a dime?" -- That was just random shit.
  11. "Urgh, is it that time of second again?" -- Ditto. Looking back, it doesn't look easy to interpret.
  12. "I think I'm thinking, therefore I may possibly be..." -- Red Dwarf-inspired, yet again. This time, from the novel.
  13. "And here we are, half past three in the morning..." -- Insomnia by Faithless. I like good music. I don't like bad music. Rock, metal, and associated sub-genres are bad music. Electronica is good music.
  14. "You expect me to do WHAT?" -- My, erm, creative interpretation of "No, Mister Bond, I expect you to die."
  15. "No! Eh? Chut up!" -- As I say in the post, this wasn't movie-inspired, but rather Facebook-quiz-inspired. The pseudo-random nature of the quiz, as well as the fact that it shits all over other FB quizzes, really made me lol.
  16. "Le damn." -- My curse.
  17. "You're paying for overpriced air!" -- Another Dilbert one, from the same episode as before.
  18. "SOMEONE. WILL. DIE." -- Red Vs Blue, S1E7. Another one that shits all over something I hate, that being soap operas.
  19. "A major problem in Australia" -- Australians! Remember the old piracy warnings on video cassettes? Well, that got sampled by KoxBox and made into a song!
  20. "Now, let's get on with the happy happy show!" -- A recent episode of Good News Week. I love it.
  21. "Prepare to be sieged." -- I've discovered that my first name can be pronounced "Ceej", and therefore sound like "siege". Thus, instead of owning someone, I siege them.
  22. "I declare blag!" -- A combination of "I declare hax" - from a friend - and "blag", a term that shits all over blogs. But I don't hate blogs. No no.
  23. "Comment Moderation my arse..." -- One of the features I hate most about Blogspot.
  24. "Time for a quick interruption." -- Not sure what inspired this one either.
  25. "In case you still can't get enough..." -- In S2 I started getting less pop-culturey.
  26. "And all the hearts are glowing..." -- From Terry Taylor's "Spring Has Sprung", a song written specifically for The Neverhood.
  27. "Run, while you still can. n00b." -- (puts on Southern US accent) Get away from ma posts if y'all a n00b.
  28. "I saw it coming. Did you?" -- I did see it coming. I saw 2012 theories coming a long way off.
  29. "If I ever recover..." -- Basement Jaxx. Jasement Baxx. Masebent Jaxx. Jasebent Maxx. However you interpret them, they're still awesome.
  30. "Procrastination is the mother of blogging." -- Just a little observation.
  31. "I don't need this skin and bones... ah, fuck it." -- I *do* need this skin and bones. Ramona Was A Waitress by Paul Dempsey, a song about AI.
  32. "I used to dance with my daddy..." -- Datarock! Datarock! Datarock dances with their daddy!
  33. "I win at life. Srsly. Maybe. Perhaps. OK, fine, I don't." -- Yeah.
  34. "The sweetest song, the saddest song." -- A portmanteau, if you will, of Weekender by Sunday Session ft. Zoë Johnston, and I Love You by Unity.
  35. "Step one: throw back head. Step two: laugh. Step three: repeat step two constantly." -- Do it. That was my own, by the way.
  36. "Me, you, and joy." -- Partly inspired by Mario & Luigi RPG2. A few of the alien instructions read "joy".
  37. "I no longer have class." -- I no longer had classes.
  38. "And the winner is..." -- Inspired by the (then) recent announcing of Rio as the 2016 Olympic Games site.
  39. "November has nothing on me." -- November is just not as awesome as I am.
  40. "Whose year is it, anyway?" Pretty much pilfered from Whose Line Is It, Anyway?
And finally, before I go, put the titles for posts 39 and 40 together. It gives "It could be the end of the world, and we don't know where we're going". Another Basejent Maxx song called Living Room.

Join us for Season 3, which starts next year! Don't worry, the Goodyear blimp will announce my return to blagging. So, if you live in an area that gets good reception from the blimp, look skywards every day at 3:14:15 am (that's fourteen minutes past three, and fifteen seconds).

Also, if you want me to get back into blagging sooner, donations go to CJ Curry as per usual: put the money in a sack, throw it over a rainbow, and run three miles in the opposite direction. Then, when you get home, smear your toes with jam, stand upside-down and yell "I'M SIGNIFICANT!" for four hours without end. Incidentally, you can tell that I've been brought up on a healthy diet of The Goon Show.

Ciaofornow. See you in Season 3!

Credits (listed in order of appearance)

enough... no more freaking credits...

November 13, 2009

November has nothing on me.

Things are getting hot and steamy here in my room. It's also undergoing a temperature change.

Welcome back to the CJ Curry Experience. You'd think that after 39 posts, I'd have run out of ideas for taglines. And yes, I have. I shall have to think of more during the summer.

To celebrate the heat, I have decided to write this on a "Fuck You" Friday. So, fuck you, heat. Fuck you, humidity. Fuck you, common cold. Fuck you, headache. Fuck you, erm... just fuck you.

POST 39: IT COULD BE THE END OF THE WORLD... (Pt 1 of 2)

It's a double-headed post again. Today, I'll begin the wrap-up of Season 2 and next week I'll post an aftermath thing from the thing I'm going to tomorrow. Thing?

Speaking of things, I must visit the bathroom.

****

And now that I have visited the bathroom, I must visit the supermarket.

****

And now that I have visited the supermarket, I shall begin teh wrap-up.

There really haven't been very many interesting stories from this half of the year, from my part. Maybe you have some, I don't know. But I think it's because people have settled down into uni and just... mellowed. What a shame. There also weren't as many college events. What a shame. The events we did have didn't have many good stories from my part. OK, sure, I got drunk as a skunk one night (well, *just* drunk) but that's about it. Hm.

So I'll tell you the most hilarious joke I know. YOUR FACE!

I guess I've just had a damn good year with new friends, old friends, semi-new friends, and partly-old friends. In any case, you people roxorz my soxorz.

I've written a bunch, I've partied a bunch, I've learned a bunch, I've gamed a bunch, and all that shit, and now it's going to be gone from me for two months. But still, you gotta laugh, eh?

As you may or may not have noticed, most of my posts have titles and headers that are pop culture references. This week, it's a list of all the titles from the first and second seasons, each with a little explanation. Next week, it's a list of headers. Try and pick them before you look at the answers!
  1. "INTRODUCTION AND MAYHEM" -- this is obvious. Really.
  2. "SOME ASSORTED SHIT ABOUT ME" -- yeah, I'm not gonna bother explaining this.
  3. "ENOUGH ABOUT ME, WHAT ABOUT YOU?" -- tch.
  4. "DOOM BEFALLS US ALL?" -- if you notice, it wasn't actual doom.
  5. "HIDEOUSLY DISGUSTINGLY HORRIBLY RIDICULOUSLY HORRENDOUSLY RETARDEDLY STUPIDLY INCREDIBLY EXCEPTIONALLY LOUD" -- I was getting a bit of flack for my use of adverbs, or rather, my overuse of them. This is my response.
  6. "WHERE O WHERE HAS THE SERIOUS BLOG GONE?" -- Where Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone. A kids' song.
  7. "LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY!!!" -- o.O
  8. "AMUSE YOURSELF" -- which is why you should always amuse yourself.
  9. "YOUR JOB IS TO FIND KITTEN. THIS TASK IS COMPLICATED BY THE EXISTENCE OF VARIOUS THINGS THAT ARE NOT KITTEN." -- True story, this is actually a game. I love it.
  10. "DOUBLE FIGURES? OH MAN, HASN'T CURRY MAN BEEN ASSASSINATED YET?" --yeah, that's obvious as well.
  11. "BECAUSE I'M PISSED OFF. THAT'S WHY." -- I hate new movies.
  12. "MORE THAN YOU CARE TO IMAGINE" -- I can't honestly remember, but I'm pretty sure I've seen it before.
  13. "WHY, OH WHY?" -- There was an episode of The Glass House. Andrew Denton made a mess of things. Funny, though. Dave said - and I quote - "if this doesn't get us a letter in the paper, I'm giving up show biz", as Andrew responded with "And if it doesn't start with the words, 'why, oh why'..."
  14. "IT'S LIKE BEING HIT WITH A TRAIN AT 5 MILES PER HOUR!" -- That's 8 km/h, for all you freaks out there. The mindfuck doesn't always work...
  15. "DON'T BE TAKIN' THE LEGO..." -- Much like #13, there was a different episode in which Jason Byrne appeared. His funny hearing made him mis-hear a bloke who once robbed Lego as saying "I was taken in the orifice by the security guard". Afterwards, he shared a vision he had of the security guard humping the guy, moaning "don't be takin' the Lego..."
  16. "WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM SLEEP DEPRIVATION" -- Sleep dep is fun.
  17. "ZERO ZERO WAS ONCE A SONG I HEARD..." -- I kinda messed this one up. It was supposed to be "was a song I once heard". But anyway. It's a mix of my own song obsession - Zero Zero by Internal Sync - and another song obsession - Wichita Lineman Was A Song I Once Heard by The KLF.
  18. "THE END IS NIGH" -- yeah it was.
  19. "GOD, WHAT KIND OF A NERD AM I?" -- that should be self-explanatory. All the lines below that title are song lyrics. I shall name them, in order. See:
    • Hi Friend - Deadmau5 ft. MC Flipside
    • Tiergarten - Rufus Wainwright
    • Music Talking - The Montanas & DJ Roland Clarke
    • One More Day - Floris (that should be "how will life be")
    • Revolution, Revolutions - Jean-Michel Jarre
    • What Happened - HCCR ft. Jessica Eve
    • Yeah Yeah - Bodyrox ft. Luciana
    • The Girl You Lost - Sia
    • What Else Is There? - Röyksopp ft. Karin Dreijer Andersson
    • Somewhere Beyond - Michael Gray ft. Steve Edwards
    • La La Land - Green Velvet
    • Magic Love - Bent
    • With Every Heartbeat - Kleerup ft. Robyn
    • Love, Sunshine & Happiness - Salmonella Dub
    • My Culture - One Giant Leap ft. Robbie Williams
    • Hold That Sucker Down - OT Quartet
    • Ride A White Horse - Goldfrapp
    • Lights And Music - Cut Copy
    • Shine - Telemetry Orchestra
    • Eugina - Salt Tank
    • La Ritournelle - Sébastien Tellier
    • Still Alive - Jonathan Coulter ft. Ellen McLaine
    • Bye Friend - Deadmau5 ft. MC Flipside
  20. "IT'S HERE! IT'S FINALLY HERE!" -- the end of S1 of the blog.
  21. "CURRY TIME!" -- I'm back. With credits.
  22. "BACK TO MINE? MAYBE?" -- this is explained in the post.
  23. "RUN!" -- Run!
  24. "NEWS, SPORT, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT" -- Not sure if this is the case elsewhere, but in some Aussie TV guides the nightly news report is written as "News, Sport, Weather".
  25. "BITTER DISAPPOINTMENT... AND HOT CHICKEN STOCK DRINKS" -- Take some boiling water, add two chicken stock cubes, stir, drink. Yum!
  26. "IT'S FUN!" -- Engrish, that is.
  27. "GO JUMP IN A LAKE!" -- Common saying.
  28. "CURRY EXPOSED!" -- Explained in the blog.
  29. "WHEN I SAY 'JUMP', YOU SAY 'FUCK NO'." -- An army saying... apparently.
  30. "EVEN STUPID-HEADS NEED TO EAT..." -- Which is true.
  31. "HOW TO LOSE TEN MILLION FRIENDS IN ONE AFL GRAND FINAL AD" -- This was when the new Vegemite formula's name was released to the public. The formula itself, pretty much nobody had a problem with, as long as the original Vegemite was kept. What people had the problem with was its name: "iSnack 2.0". Shoot them. That's an awfulawful name. (It's since been renamed to "Cheesybite".)
  32. "OH NOES, CURRY MAN CAN'T SPELL!" -- Part 1 of the non-backspace editions.
  33. "THIS IS THE LIFE..." -- Common saying. I like common sayings.
  34. "YOUR MOTHER WRITES POST-MODERN POETRY!" -- yeah, "your mum" jokes are getting ridiculous. "That's what she said" jokes are better. I like the fact that William Shakespeare invented "your mum" jokes: "Villain! I have don'st thou mother!" or something to that effect. (I'm not joking. Look it up in Hamlet, IIRC.)
  35. "KISS ME, I'M A BLOGGER" -- yep. Do it.
  36. "A POST-APOCALYPTIC WORLD ALL GONE SANE... WAT" -- I get the feeling that I did plagiarise this from somewhere. Let me know if you find it. (Incidentally, "don't break" almost became a meme among my friends.)
  37. "THE FORGOTTEN POST" - apparently, 37 is the Forgotten Number. No clue why.
  38. "WHAT IS THIS 'CURRY' THAT YOU SPEAK OF?" -- Look up the etymology yourself. It's kinda cool.
  39. "IT COULD BE THE END OF THE WORLD..." -- You'll find out this one next episode.
Intriguement. Episode 40 coming soon, possibly with an aftermath report on my meeting today-morrow!

Credits (listed in order of appearance)
CJ Curry               CJ
The Blog The CJ Curry Experience
CJ's Computer Pie
Bathroom Down The Hall
Supermarket Up The Street
Animator Boxxy
Wildlife Trainer Wafflepwn
Senior Wrangler Moot
Electrician The Guy Out There On His Laptop
Fluid Dynamic Consultant
Archimedes
Sundown Syndrome Provided By
Roel H
Special Thanks My Mother
Producer Your Mother

November 8, 2009

And the winner is...

bump

Welcome back to the CJ Curry Experience. HTMLified for your pleasure and - perhaps - enjoyment.

Whew. It's been a hectic few days. Srsly, I haven't slept much in the last 48 hours. And now I'm blogging on adrenaline and chocolate.

POST 38: WHAT IS THIS "CURRY" THAT YOU SPEAK OF?


Come join me on a trip back to last Thursday.
  • Last bar night of the year
  • Last class of the year
  • LAN party without an actual LAN
  • After the math of the LAN party
  • Avicii rocked my socks
  • Travelling in order to get free meals
  • Catching up with my S.O.
  • Travelling away from free meals
  • Travelling again to a 21st
  • After the math of the 21st, plus cricket
  • Here and now.
And on the way, I also realised that bandannas work pretty well on my wrist.

And now I need moar food. But I CBF'd getting up. Help?

Oh. Yawn, too, by the way. Yawning saves lives. GIVES YOU STRENGTH!

I bridge the great divide
between one device and another
very easily
I bridge the great divide
between my heart and yours
without resorting to fucking poetry.

adium is not working i shall stab it and stab it good

I been studying quite a lot lately. Censorship, language, and suburbia. Pity none of them turn up on my exams. Exams are my bane. Sometimes I think bane is a made-up word. Seriously. And Serio is a fun song to sing. I also sing when I should be studying. (Segué king much?)

I am going to that place in my head again. It is simultaneously good and bad. It is also simultaneously confusing and completely understandable. Join me. JOIN ME IN MY WORLD. join me in that place. It is music. And it is joy.

Incidentally, CJ Curry Studios would like to welcome "Joy" as the word of the day.

Push button. Receive bacon. Joy!
It's 4:30. Time for milking. Joy!
That's neither safe nor rational. Joy!

Joy! Joy! Joy! Joy gives you strength! Strength crushes enemies! JOY!

Down with this sort of thing. DOWN with this sort of thing. DOWN! ...ahem, have you met my dog, "with this sort of thing"? You have now. WOOF!

and now we go into the world of

in verses.

i wish
to be
a
person who is
not afr
aid of bein
g cj
cu
rry or afra
id of the tr
uth
of th
e past

in verses finishes here. please present your claim tickets.

I really should go now. But I won't. It's not time for the credits yet. But I will take a shower.

*shower*
*shower*
*shower*
*shower*
*shower*
*return*

Boy, that hit the spot. But now I'm tired of writing. Meh, time for bye.

Credits (listed in order of appearance)
CJ Curry               Bertie Blackman
The Blog Lost Valentinos
CJ's Computer Au Revoir Simone
The Place In My Head Peter, Bjorn & John
Bandanna Leslie Ming
Key Technician Miike Snow
Cameraman James Yuill
Joy Trainer Sir James
Animations by Rob Swire
Sunglasses provided by Phoenix
Special Thanks Wolfgang Gartner
Producer Sam La More

November 1, 2009

I no longer have class.

They seek me with thimbles, they seek me with care;
They pursue me with forks and hope;
They threaten my life with a railway-share;
They charm me with smiles and soap.
I am CJ Curry, the Boojum.

Welcome back to the CJ Curry Experience. The most humid experience since Delhi.

You all impress me. You impress me a lot. But that doesn't mean reality TV is good.

POST 37: THE FORGOTTEN POST

It's my favourite number! 37! So the entire post is a tribute to the number 37. Here are some redeeming features about the number 37:
  • In degrees Celsius, 37 is the average human body temperature. A degree and a half higher, and it's hyperthermia; a degree and a half lower, and it's hypothermia.
  • 37 is the atomic number of rubidium. Why the hell rubidium is an element is anyone's guess.
  • There are 37 slots on European Roulette. 00 is only used in American Roulette. I reckon European wins. Just.
  • The (very misleadingly named) Interstate 37 runs between San Antonio, Texas and Corpus Christi, Texas. I shall immediately donate my time to anyone with a petition saying "Change this highway to 'Intrastate 37'". Misuse of English irks me, except when it's Engrish.
  • There are 37 birds outside my window right about now.
  • If you read out loud two haikus, then say simply "it is done", you have spoken 37 syllables.
  • Travelling 37 hours into the future is as simple as adding a day and a half, then an extra hour. So, from right about now (7:24p), 37 hours into the future is 8:24a on Tuesday. Cool, I'll still be asleep.
  • I once found a packet of Pods with 37 Pods. I decided not to write in about it, because it was just nihilistically cool.
  • My clock ticks 37 times per minute.
  • Shakespeare wrote 37 plays.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • If you are actually counting the amount of times I have written that sentence, you need to get out of the house 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • This sentence is written on this page 37 times.
  • My email has a 37 in it. So does yours. It's just invisible.
That's about it. If you want more, Wikipedia is your friend. Bye.

Credits (listed in order of appearance)
CJ Curry               Felicia Day
The Blog Vincent Caso
CJ's Computer Jeff Lewis
37 Amy Okuda
Special Thanks Sandeep Parikh
Producer Robin Thorsen

Short list today; I mean, hell, 37 is all you need.

October 26, 2009

Me, you, and joy.

Don't break.

Welcome back to the CJ Curry Experience. We swear that you'll enjoy yourself here... but we also swear that swearing will get you in trouble with the law. YMMV, DYOT.

Please don't break.

POST 36: A POST-APOCALYPTIC WORLD ALL GONE SANE... WAT

I say. Do you wish to partake in a pot of tea? Very well. I shall put the water on the cooking top to boil. In the meantime, I will tell you - yet again - where to send any donations to. As you may well know, CJ Curry Studios is running short of episode ideas to put into the canon. (That is not a misspelling.) If you have any ideas, send $499.90 (in cash only, please) to CJ Curry Studios, CJ Curry Land, Currytopia (postal code 7729542-A) by Monday, 26th October, 2009. Stuff your envelope into the nearest tree, cluck like a chicken four times, and fly east 200 metres for the teleportation beam to activate.

Au revoir, Simone... don't break.

Half of you reading this - in other words, half a person - will be aware that I am fuelled not by coffee, adrenaline, sugar, or even Berocca. I'm actually running on business cards at the moment. Tasty, delicious business cards!

It's... um... warm. Outside. I'm warm. I'm not outside. Urgh, machinery outside my window. Machinery headed this way. Machinery coming straight towards my window OH GOD THEY'VE CAUGHT ME






don't break






Ba HA! The pot of tea rusted that machine's ass! I win! And now we can get back to the Experience.

Hm. Let's pick out a few random cards out of a deck, and let them tell us my fortune.
  1. Three of hearts. That's representative of how many I'll break this year. (That is, 365 days.)
  2. Two of diamonds. I wish I had two diamonds. Selly selly!
  3. Three of spades. I'm gonna dig three graves this year.
  4. Four of spades. Make that four graves.
  5. Eight of hearts. What a shitful hand for poker!
I have class. No, seriously, I have class. It's a maths class. Plus, I have the other definition of class. I'm classy! Back soon.

**************************************

I'm back! And I'm on a hill! It's not a boat, but a hill is good too!

Anyway. Back to the post. It's a nice day out here in Curryland, with the sunshine and the snow. Snow... wait, what? Oh right. Thems are soap flakes. Soap flakes... wait, what? OI! CUT IT OUT, YOU!

...ahem. Don't break.

Anyway, this is Axis. He has something to say to you:
"cheese."
And to that, I reply:
"lemmings."
And this is Milly-Grace, and she says:
"monkeys, in actual fact, are NOT cute. They are endearing, but NOT cute."
And this is Flippa, and she says:
"the triangles are not actually square."
Thanks guys, you make this blog more... bloggy.

aaaaaaaaaaaaand now it looks like they're throwing down for a game of One Touch. Seeya.

Credits (listed in order of appearance)
CJ Curry               Ringo Starr
The Blog Kevin Rudd
CJ's Computer Ron Weasley
Milly-Grace Jennifer Hawkins
Axis Rowan Atkinson
Flippa Lara Bingle
Gaffer Pope John Paul II
Best Boy Pope Benedict V
Moose Trainer Jackie Chan
Cheese-eating Surrender Monkey
Jean-Claude van Damme
Assistant to the Director's Assistant's Assistant
Chas Licciardello
Special Thanks Jim Henson
Producer Jerry Seinfeld

October 22, 2009

Step one: throw back head. Step two: laugh. Step three: repeat step two constantly.

SYNÆSTHESIA

OH YES

SYNÆSTHESIA

...ahem. That would be the Scotch and cola talking. Now, shift over, Mister Cola, it's my turn.

SYNÆSTHESIA

Oi! Out of my chair!

And, now that we have that little unpleasantness out of the way, welcome back to the CJ Curry Experience. We promise that we will either entertain you, or make you vomit into your own scorn. Well, not necessarily scorn.

Blargh?

POST 35: KISS ME, I'M A BLOGGER

********************************************
We interrupt this regularly scheduled blog to bring you a breaking news story.

Terrorists have successfully managed to gain access to some of the world's most inconspicuous explosives, and are slowly but surely detonating them in proximity of the world's largest glass dome. The glass is slowly breaking. More news from that horrible, horrible pun later on this evening.
********************************************

...and he practically yells, "You idiot horse! I said POSSE!"

Best joke in the world. Srsly.

And now, the best quote I've heard all year:

FLUPPY -- Is that a yellow pen?
CJ CURRY -- No, it's yell- oh...

Wait, what? That was me making a fool of myself. Oh well. And now, I present to you a small box.

_
| |
uh... how d'you make the bottom of the box?

But never mind that. ASCII wins anyway. And so does Avicii. And Ryskee. And Miike Snow. And all those other questionably-spelt artists. Todd Terje is a major win IMHO.

Gyah. Brain no worky.

I must remember to give my regards to the air. It's been a bright, sunshiney week so far. Which has been particularly mindfucky for people who are not used to this kind of treatment by the weather. Such as me.

FUCKCOMMAMUNCHING WEATHER

...ahem. (must remember to get me some Ventolin)

A few random thoughts before I sign off:

Given that life on Earth is temporary and short, then this sentence is a non-sequitur.
Junk in this dimension is junk in another dimension is junk in yet another dimension. It's still junk.
Squeek!
Erm... cats can't fly?

And that, my friend(s), is all. For today, at least. End of Season 2 coming up in 5 posts! Secrets shall be revealed in Post 40! Names shall be named. That's the only hint I'm giving. BAI!

Credits (listed in order of appearance)
CJ Curry               William Shakespeare
The Blog James Joyce
CJ's Computer Francis Bacon
Glass Leo Tolstoy
Posse Jane Austen
Ascii Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Mindfuck William Wordsworth
Electrician Edgar Allen Poe
Plumber Vidiadhar Surajprasad Naipaul
Carpenter Alfred Tennyson
Painter Phillip K. Dick
Special Thanks Ray Lawler
Producer Andy Griffiths

October 15, 2009

The sweetest song, the saddest song.

srsly, though, forget about C++ being my bitch.

Welcome back to the CJ Curry Experience. Big shout outs to the one person who reads my blog: you know who you are.

Poems! They all speak to us, they all tell stories, they all want us to listen to them just so that we can feel better about our shitty little existence and sympathise with the characters having even shitter existences. From the mouths of prats in turtlenecks and beatniks at open-mics - with some exceptions (good old William - we used to call him "Spearey" back in the day) - they say everything whilst writing nothing. Enjoy mine.

(Incidentally, I fall under the "prats in turtlenecks" category, even though I don't own a single turtleneck. If you don't fall under either category, too bad. You're an exception.)

POST 34: YOUR MOTHER WRITES POST-MODERN POETRY!

UNTITLED

I hold you close
and I feel
a warm summer breeze on my neck
the soft touch of feathers on my back
silky smooth hair against my hand
and I hear
your gentle breathing,
soft and light
and relaxing
and I see
nothing but you,
your eyes, your hair, your face
the essence of my life
and I smell
your scent on your neck
it comforts me and mellows me
it is like no other in the world
I hold you close
and I can't let go

Afterthought: Ten points for guessing what my inspiration was. That's right - it was my computer.


THE MOON

At first, it is white
With maybe a blue tinge too
A beautiful sight

Then it is orange
But still nice and visible
Romantic to watch

Slowly it turns red
Getting harder to see now
Many eyes are strained

Deep against the night
It gets darker and darker
Slowly fades away

Finally, it's black
It is now no longer new
But quite out of sight

You can't see it now
The air, thick with smog and fumes
Our lungs will be next

Afterthought: not a pleasant thought, is it?


SLEEP

Creeping darkness
'Cross my eyes
Fall unconscious
Energise
Vivid pictures
In my mind
Alarm bell would be
So unkind


Afterthought: I could do with another one of those lucid dream things...


UNIVERSITY**

i think it was the petrichor -
the smell of rain after a long dry spell -
that woke me up.

i had left the window open
the light on
my curtains twitched open.

it was nearing the end of a nice, cool, fresh day.
light, fluffy clouds,
sunlight threatening to break through at any moment.
a soft breeze, making the curtains flap and flutter.

i lifted my head from my keyboard.

i saw, on the monitor, my assignment.
an hour ago, it had been intelligible.
now, a steady stream of 'x's filled the screen.

and suddenly,
gone were the smell
the sight
the warm glow i had felt

the assignment's due in two hours
and it's only half done
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxx

i hope that "xxxxxxxxxx" counts as one word
because there's no way i can finish this on time

well, better get going...

Afterthought: Based on a true story. I less-than-three petrichor.


TIME

i've lost track of the days
they come slowly
leave quickly

time is... a luxury
we can't afford it
we save it when we can
we plan it carefully

we all want more time
but
the time gods have better ideas

and they sentence us to an eternity
of procrastination
of too many tasks
of plans going awry
and - this is the best part, say the gods -
of time never flowing the way
we want it to

who can sleep soundly
knowing they have deadlines?

who can relax themselves
with assignments nagging at them?

who can go on a holiday
when there's too much to do at home?

and suddenly, it's neither slow enough
nor fast enough...

Afterthought: ...which is part of C++ not being my bitch.


**To those already familiar with this one, yes, I have included it elsewhere in a different format. I modified it slightly - and badly - but still, I like it.

Incidentally, have a happy "Fuck You" Friday!

Credits (listed in order of appearance)
CJ Curry               Vance Musgrove
The Blog Mikah Freeman
CJ's Computer Julian Hamilton
Moon Kim Moyes
Lungs Nick Littlemore
The 'X' Key Peter Mayes
The Time Gods Garry Cobain
Publicity Brian Dougans
Drunken Idiots C/- Mike Stroud
Personal Trainer Evan Mast
Foley Mixer Warren Fischer
Scriptwriter Casey Spooner
Special Thanks Ben Watt
Producer Tracey Thorn

October 9, 2009

I win at life. Srsly. Maybe. Perhaps. OK, fine, I don't.

boolean assignmentDefeated = true;
boolean gotCricketMatch = true;
boolean isNowStudyMentor = true;
boolean hasHaircut = true;

...which, loosely translated, means FUCK YEAH!

Welcome back to the CJ Curry Experience. We endorse Boxxy, Gary Brolsma, the O Rly owls, Rickrolls, AYBABTU, Win/Fail, Peanut Butter Jelly Time, lolCats, and other assorted memes. However, we do not endorse rogue Kanye Wests.

This is Part 2 of a non-backspace... erm... thing. Direct from Windoze Shitsta! NOW WE PROBLEMS!

POST 33: THIS IS THE LIFE...

In case you're wondering, we have many mane memes. Memes are things like Numa Numa and
LolCats that get posted and /b/astardised to the point where it just doesn't get funny any more. I mean it isn't funny any more. Fuck this backspace thing.

Other examples include the Rule 34 meme, the triforce, newfags, and to a lesser extent, win and ail. Waht, what>? Win anf fail are used the MOSTY, you idiot! CJ is a newfag.

Now to see if I can triforce:
▲ ▲
...oh shit!

/me is a newfag. Oh wells.

I have an obsession. That obsession is yu. Deal with.

And, now, in the name of all that is good and musicky, I present to thee: nothing! Take that.

well, I do present to you a present. In it is...
..nothing!

And in that nothing is another nothing. Nothing!

As I was wakling down the staid (rdammir this stupid non-backspace thing is hurtiong)
I ment a man who wasn't there. (i wsear, i want to edit this post... but that would break the rules!
He wasn't there again today. (By the way, it was meant to say "met", not "meant".)
I hope that man will go away...

Anyway. I love this blog. I don't want it to go away. But I has to. Soon. Well, not permamently. I hope. And you hope. Hee...

Aeroplane. Maybe. Friendly fires. Fedinitely. Ramona ... lolwut?

WTF
WTF
WYG
WTF
WYF
WTF
WYTF
WT
WTF
WTF

um. backspace has been re-enabled. I wil now go and hunt down my superioes at CJ Curry Studios to aslaughter them all for disbling my backspace key.

FUCK IT'S NOT RE-ENABLED YEYT I WILL THAT IS I UM ...

...I'll see you chumps next post. I have some bashing to do.

Credits (listed in order of appearance)
CJ Curry               Numa Numa
The Blog LOLcat
CJ's Computer Boxxy
Backspace ????? PROFIT
Triforce mudkipz
Script All Your Base
Rickroll provided by Rick Astley
NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP
Animal Control         O RLY
Me Win
You Fail
Cameras Daft Hands
Delete key stolen by Ceiling Cat
Special Thanks Rule 34
Producer /b/ and /b/tards

October 3, 2009

I used to dance with my daddy...

Let us begin. And this time, we shall begin properly. I mean it.

Welcome Back to the CJ Curry Experience. The all-new, un-backspaced iedition!

N

I thought it would be fun to play without backspaces for a post or two. Matter of fact, this shall be th first of a double header. The other shall be a Windows edition. I mean Windoze. You will see missing or superfluous lettersL: don't panic! You'll also see me saying "I mean..." a lot. Maybe.

POST 32: OH NOES, CURRY MAN CAN'T SPELL!

Anyway. Lots to have been happening this weekend. And lots that didn't evd up happening. Curse! Bats. Curse! Snakes. Curse! Something or other.

I liek my life. DANG! Stupid misspelled wiords that come out to e perfect anyway. DO NOT LIKE! I mean, DO NOT LIEK! I mean... WHAT!?

...anyway. Apparently, the winner is Rio de Janeiro. Should I capitalise the D in "de"? I don't understand spanish capitalisation rules. Or German ones. All I know about Germa is one wholly inappropriate phrase: "Mein schlange ist ein flammenwurfer" or nowever it's spelt. Something like that. You can look it up to see what it means, I'm not going to repeat it here. (Yeah, we're sick sick minded guys here a Curry Studois.)

I has Sundownb Syndrome.

You can thank Tame Impala for tht. Man they sound old school. They could be the fucking Beatles if they wanted.

I hear someone using Skype... or something beeping at laest. Could even be a multi-stage fitness test. Hold on a minute...

********************************

...erm, how do I put this? it seems to be getting louder?

But anyway. Could be just my imagination. It could also be a dodgy smoke alarm otr a dodgy speaker or something. Yes, I have speakers!!! Meow.

Either way, it's coming from the room next to me. Yow.

Pretty soon, I shall have to evacuate. I apoloise in advance byut I can honestly claim no responsibility for lack of enjoyment of this blog. Which is still, by the way, the only M-rated blog in history to be self-referential, pretentious AND M-raed. How's THAT! The only M-rated blog that's M-rated. (Man, I ned to show this to the Office of Film and Literature Classification...)

I wish to ... erm... I sish to jump off a cliff and land safely? I dunno.

OWCH

STATIC
HURTS
PAINFULLY

meh. I forget the pain after the wound recover.

And, by the way, my wristwatch triggers my electronic lock! ...but it doesn't open it. That would have been awesome.

My love sees you...

Credits (listed in order of appearance)
CJ Curry               Daryl Somers
The Blog Ossie Ostrich / Ernie Carroll
CJ's Computer Dickie Knee
Backspace Ian "Molly" Meldrum
Static Redmond "Red" Symonds
Tame Impala Andrew Fyfe
Quality Control Russell Gilbert
Cameras Wilbur Wilde
Lights Livinia Nixon
Sound Effects John Blackman
Grip Trevor Marmalade
Delete key stolen by Jacki McDonald
Special Thanks Jo Beth Taylor
Producer Plucka Duck

September 30, 2009

I don't need this skin and bones... ah, fuck it.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnd CUE CURRY MAN

Welcome back to the CJ Curry Experience. We support gay marriage: marriage should always be happy.

WE BRAKE FOR NOBODY. WE JUMP FOR NOBODY. WE FOR NOBODY. WE LAUGH FOR EVERYBODY. WELL, WE LAUGH *AT* EVERYBODY.

POST thirty-one: HOW TO LOSE TEN MILLION FRIENDS IN ONE AFL GRAND FINAL AD

...and we begin. Wait, have we begun yet? Just let me check.

*walks up to an office door. knocks.*
"Yes! What?"
"Have we begun yet?"
"Sure! But first you have to get clearance from legal, cameras, catering, and the mouse that lives in our cupboards and eats our Tim Tams. Now get outta here."
SLAM

*walks up to another office door. knocks.*
"WHAT"
"I need the OK to begin."
"Fine, fine, anything. As long as it doesn't get us sued, OK?"
"I assure you, sir, nothing here is going to get us sued."
"Alright already! Get out there and begin!"
SLAM

*walks up to another office door. knocks.*
"Allo? Is zis maybe CJ Curry?"
"Yes, your French-accented-ness. I need clearance from you to begin."
"Ah, yes. Very well, I shall allow you to, erm, begin ze show. 'Ere iz some free food."
"Can't turn that down. Cheers!"
"Au revoir, mon ami!"
SLAM

*walks up to another room, but not an office door. knocks.*
"Mm?"
"Can we begin?"
"Oh, yeah. Sure. Cameras are all ready for you."
"Thanks, dude."
"Hey, don't sweat it, man..."
*fist-punch*
SLAM

*walks up to a door. knocks.*
"Eek!"
"I'm ready to begin. You cool with that?"
"EEK!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, you're naked. But can we begin?"
"Eek eeeeeek!"
"Thanks, Mr. Mouse."
SLAM

Well, we're ready to begin. We think.

*ahem*

Mister Curry! Sir!

What now?!?

We're almost out of time, sir!

Oh, for f-

Credits (listed in order of appearance)
CJ Curry iHate 2.0
The Blog iDislike 2.0
CJ's Computer iLoathe 2.0
Legal iAbhor 2.0
Catering iDespise 2.0
The Mouse iResent 2.0
Head of Medical iDetest 2.0
Wardrobe iCondemn 2.0
Puzzle Mastermind iDisapprove 2.0
Special Thanks iDisparage 2.0
Producer iExcrete 2.0

September 24, 2009

Procrastination is the mother of blogging.

You will always be unloved. Ba ha!

Welcome back to the CJ Curry Experience. What are you, some kind of masochist?

Who'd have thought, 29 episodes ago, that I was a nutbag and I deserved to have my blog deleted? That's right, you all did! I knew it. Bastards! All of you!

POST 30: EVEN STUPID-HEADS NEED TO EAT...

Short blog today. The end.


















...or, if you're persistent enough, here I am again. Hi.

And it's been raining. And it looks like there's more coming. And I have a break next week. And I will update at least twice. Bwahaha.

In the meantime, I have un-disturbing news for you. Once this season is done I might not return until May! Shocked! ...well, not that shocked. See, it all depends on a number of different things. Things that you can influence, by waving your arms around like a butterfly.

I hope you like butterflies! But enough with the dragons!

Oh well. Again with the shortness. Maybe. I need food. Back soon. If you're unlucky, that is... Spaghetti!!!

**************

I had food. I had trainings. I likes trainings. None for a week, though, it seems.

BAH! They say quartz is accurate. It's not, it's very quartzy. Ooh, "quartzy"! Good Scrabble word. It has a Q, a Z and a Y. Quixotic, quartzy quizzes! (Damn! No Scrabble for that last word.)

One day, I'm gonna... erm...

Moar food. Bye now.

Credits (listed in order of appearance)

CJ Curry               Craig Charles
The Blog Robert Llewellyn
CJ's Computer Norman Lovett
Stupid-Head Gary Ablett
Spaghetti Mario
Luigi
Music Mike Oldfield
Sound Effects That Guy From Police Academy
Cameras Kevin Carter
Visual Effects Dr. Spock
Refreshments Brendan Fevola
Special Thanks Bag Raiders
Producer Adolf Hitler

September 19, 2009

If I ever recover...

And now, I shall attempt to perform a triple-somersault, with three-quarter twist and maybe a feet-first entry. Yah!

CLUNK

...now I need to put water in the pool. Ooooh... the pain...

Welcome back to the CJ Curry Experience. We deliver, you belie... I mean... Everybody's talking about it! It's... I mean... Check in. Relax. Take... I mean... We report, you deci... I mean... Boom de ya... I mean... The future will not be... I mean... Hi?

And now that the blatant copyright infringements are out of the road, it's time. Time for some juicy juicy lies and slander.

POST 10TH PRIME: WHEN I SAY 'JUMP', YOU SAY 'FUCK NO'.

run.

Does I needs food or does I needs waters? You can decide, by voting on my voting thing. My voting thing is five thousand miles wide and sits just south of Violet Town. It's because I care about your opinions, and how they affect the world.

Windy and raining agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain

When I get back to writing, I shall be fed. At the beacon!

nom nom nom... maybe? yesh.

I hear a sheep. I do not see a sheep. And now I feel sheepish. NEW ZEALAND ALERT

...and so, from the CJ Curry Studios, we say... tough bloody luck. I'm still going on this blog.

As it is, there are a number of people who want my head. I say to you No! You may not have my head! My head is precious and filled with a waking life written on a bundle of nerves. COPYRIGHT PROBLEMS AGAIN!

I must dash... back to my keyboard! Bahaha, I love teasing you lot!

Fuck. Daisies are out. Yellow shoes ahoy!

So, what the hell is up with hormones and spring? I mean, supposedly spring is the time of year when a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love... but I have it on good authority that they're still thinking of SEX! Mister Tennyson needs to rethink that poem.

It is time for me to... write more!

I think it is beautiful that everyone else is 256 colours too...

Bye!

Credits (listed in order of appearance)

CJ Curry               Napoleon Dynamite
The Blog Pedro
CJ's Computer Kip
Dubbing George W. Bush
Lighting A match
Publicity Skype
Jokes recycled by Grocon
Clouds courtesy of Super Mario World
Pig flu courtesy of Babe
I'M REAL HAPPY FOR YOU, CREDITS, AND I'M GONNA LET YOU FINISH,
BUT BEYONCÉ'S CREDITS ARE THE BEST CREDITS OF ALL TIME!!!



...

September 12, 2009

I saw it coming. Did you?

WII WILL
WII WILL
ROCK YOU

AND ME

Welcome to the CJ Curry Experience. Yes, it still has its M rating, and yes, I plan to exploit that M rating as many times as humanly possible in the next thirty-two point seven seconds. FUCKFUCKFUCKSHITFUCKARSEFUCKSHIToh bugger, time's up.

Again, something new is happening! I have QC! No, not Questionable Content. Quality Control. Someone is watching me! So I hereby present a "making-of" post, just because I like it.

POST XXVIII: CURRY EXPOSED!

Picture this, if you will:

...a desk. Done? Good. Now, picture on that desk, a computer, and sitting at that computer is a nerd-boy. Me. CJ Curry. Hee!

I have a pattern with these blogs, in case you hadn't noticed. Random comment, a welcome, and an intro or non-sequitur to fill in time before the title arrives. (For those who are interested, it arrives by camel.)

So then I go into random rants, comments, non-sequiturs. I bring up references to pop culture or non-pop culture. Sometimes I have themed posts. Like this one. Or the Engrish happy fun time posting!

(My quality control person just laughed. Damn, I'm not trying hard enough.)

I currently have $14.10 sitting next to me, as well as sunglasses, a remote control, and a pair of juicy juicy thighs. ...wait, now I'm looking straight down.

(My quality control person was not amused. I'm talking about my own thighs, dammit!)

This blog is entirely unfunded. It's also very cheap. See, from here, I can take cheap shots at pretty much anyone. TO ALL THOSE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO HAVE A FIRST NAME STARTING WITH W, YOUR BREATH SMELLS!

Aeroplane! (This non-sequitur brought to you by me. And only me. And maybe Wiley. Read his comic.)

So. That's essentially the making-of. I type. I make cheap and nasty jokes. And I squeeze as much humour out of said jokes as I can. (Which often turns out to be zero.)

Incidentally, this making-of is now available on microcassette and microSD. Order forms can be picked up at your local CJ Curry Shop. Available in four different colours, including purple and dark black.

But before you go, buy my new book. At $AUD2.95 RRP, you'll be glad to miss out!

Credits (listed in order of appearance)

CJ Curry               Dilbert
The Blog Catbert
CJ's Computer Ratbert
Divine Being Dogbert
Dinosaur Bob
Quality Control Ashurii Usagi
Credits Written By Ronald McDonald
Based On A Purple Microcassette
Background Effects BSOD
Gravity Provided By Isaac Newton
Special Thanks My Mum
Producer Mel Brooks

September 6, 2009

Run, while you still can. N00b.

I liek teh Spelunky. Spelunky is good. It is a good game and a good word. Like "fucky". Whee.

Welcome back to the CJ Curry Experience. And you'd better damn well appreciate it.

Today we venture into the past a little bit. Excited, huh? Don't be. "The past" just means last week. Or, then again, it could just mean yesterday. Or even this morning. Or fifteen billion years ago. Who knows? Who cares? Not you!

POST 27: GO JUMP IN A LAKE!

I really should be tidying my room, getting some sleep, or standing on my head while blowing my socks off. Maybe. But I'm stuck here at 3AM writing a blog nobody reads except you, nobody writes except me, and nobody cares about except the dead moth sitting on Ash Tree Lane. At least, I think that's a moth.

Paperclip!!!!!

I feel like... erm...

<<<Finish this sentence and win! Well, actually, don't win, but still.>>>

I forgot my pizza...

Does it bother anyone when people ask you if something bothers you? It bothers me, because there's unnecessary bother involved. Bother.

Ya know, I don't believe in equal opportunities for people and plankton. Plankton are so much stupider. Humans deserve more opportunities. I fail at persuasive writing, but what the hell.

Jump!

Hit that. I dare you.

*ahem*

I have a dream...

whereby I'm naked. (Chakalaka!)

Now. Shall we go deeper into CJ Curry's past? We shall. *ahem*

Last year, I was 73. This year, I'm 74. The year before, I was 67. Take that! I have also steadily been 70 for a long time. Take that! Ooh, Jürgen Paape. <<Attention span limit reached!!>>

It's raaaaaaaining...

And now, onto more serio business. I mean serious business.

I have a hat. I have a mug. I have a top. I have a key. I have a pen. I have a cord. C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER

You people must really like me if you keep reading this goo. But I guess I like writing it, so it's fair both ways. I write goo, and you liek mudkipz. Erm...

Jump?

Credits (listed in order of appearance)

CJ Curry               Jeremy Clarkson
The Blog James May
CJ's Computer Richard Hammond
Paperclip Clippy
Mudkipz A frog I found outside my window
Plankton Mickey Mouse
3AM 3:37 PM
Mathematical Consultant Albert Einstein
Jumping Consultant House Of Pain
Casting ...eww, don't go there
Director of Photography Anne Geddes
Catering Gordon Ramsay
Jamie Oliver
Ainslie Harriott
Nigella Lawson
...and so on.
Special Thanks Jovanotti
Producer Britney Spears

September 1, 2009

And all the hearts are glowing...

Hi guys. (You know who you are.) I know you're reading this. So, please, for the love of everything that is good and Internetly, enjoy the fuck out of this blog.

Welcome to the CJ Curry Experience. Insert tagline here.

As part of CJ Curry's second season experimentation, this post has been turned into Engrish. If you want a full translation, watch this space. (It probably won't do anything except amuse me, but go ahead.) If you need a full translation, write a letter that say "I Need A Translation", scuba-dive all the way to the West Coast of the USA, turn the letter into a paper aeroplane, and try to look modest as people stare at you.

POST 26: IT'S FUN!

And now, in business. This week I try me me as without being abnormal you think of a certain thing, the optional teenager shown entirely. In addition, I caused and the (??) was not.

Serio is the music obsession where I am new. I dance the dance of jump of especially jump remix, you like. Because I this furthermore make Engrish more in insanity, this is expressed. As for me when I is possible, in order to throw in the same way the way with many optional words, you try; "defenestrate". As for Everything2 of word; you like; "defenestrate" what reason?… When those where that is you do not know, inspect that. It possesses the hand, therefore use those.

Accidentally, someone are 2 these thumbs, is the just you are surprised completely? This person!

Although you obtain, being used, in order to transfer the time when you become tired exactly… Regrettable. There is blog which it should obtain in me.

Therefore. I drank my weight of the soda which becomes cream condition 3 days ago. As for me which it occurs; you used; "time of sickness"; this blog and Nomic I in order to think in regard to thought for the game; where presently you play.

I trained 2 days ago.

I like raver jumped 1 days, ago the dance, and made general. Because exactly.

Zero days I ago allotment and you finished; attaches my TV. As for that me the it bothers; suitable what it probably will rub. Person.

Airplane?

The option which accidentally, the people continue to see certain ones with this blog it is you think every shit and in doubt. That is simple: There is no randomness! True randomness achieving, is impossible!

Calm down the sexual intercourse. We ask. It ended that almost.

In addition, as for me it was attached to underwater grasping my breath. … dang of um, already those which have used up believe my material. Recycle the victory of the large box!

Achewood rush do!

Credits (listed in order of appearance)

CJ Curry David "Bumble" Lloyd
The Blog Dick Smith
CJ's Computer Comp-U-Comp
Engrish Japan
Window Mac OS 1
Recycle Bin John Howard
Cinematography Junichi Masuda
CJ's Portrait By Ken Sugimori
Original Idea Satoshi Tajiri
Screenplay Alfred Hitchcock
Special Thanks Andrew Flintoff
Producer RSS

August 26, 2009

In case you still can't get enough...

I gotsta love this weather. Wet, windy, woolly. That's right, we're in New Zealand now.

Welcome back to the CJ Curry Experience. With more New Zealand, English cricketer, and Canberra jokes than the next leading psychopathic blogger, you'd be crazy to miss it. RSS me!

We lost the Ashes and we lost the Bledisloe, so feel free to jump in with your jokes. They will be well-received. Besides, I have an arsenal of jokes handy. And speaking of Arsenal, is that where the English cricket team got their players from? Oh, no, wait. The Arsenal players know how to use their feet.

POST 25: BITTER DISAPPOINTMENT... AND HOT CHICKEN STOCK DRINKS

Well, so C++ is not my bitch yet. But:

#include <iostream>
int main()
{
std::cout << "Hello world!" << endl;
int pin;
std::cout << "Please enter the PIN number for your bankcard here: ";
std::cin >> pin;
std::cout << "Cheers!" << endl;
return 0;
}

And that shall do me for the moment. Man, I can cough like billy-o. And I can choke as bad as an English cricketer at the crease. CHOKE!

Talking of cricket, I'm out of action! Shed a tear!

beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeans

Dum da dum, doi doi doi...

Let me show you my Mudkipz, because all your base are belong to me over 9,000 times. Epic win. Meme!

Is it just me, or do people like to argue? My hobby: trolling YouTube. Other people like trolling 4chan or something like that, but I just troll YouTube. You get some seriously funny replies every so often.

I have playing cards.

And finally, here is a word of my own compsoing: Pillether. It's got a ring to it.

Credits (listed in order of appearance)

CJ Curry Tiësto
The Blog Gary Brolsma
CJ's Computer Deep Thought
C++ Python
Cricket Jiminy Cricket
Lighting James Watt
Choreography William Hung
Music William Hung
Director ???
Special Thanks Andrew Flintoff
Producer RSS

August 21, 2009

Time for a quick interruption.

man so much of my music is bringing back so many memories i mean HELL i have a lot of music and a lot of memories

Welcome back to the CJ Curry Experience. Better than money, better than food, better than power, better than sex, better than \b\.

In order to comply with Internet blogging standards, I am writing this episode of the experience naked.

POST 24: NEWS, SPORT, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT

News: all my friends are fuckups. Some of my friends are turning 21. None of my friends are named Aloysius.

News: I have had a very long, hard day, and a very long, hard week. (And a very long, hard something else.)

News: The world is doomed, and we're to blame. Climate change, global economic crisis, Microsoft Windows, you name it.

News: There's been some more bombings in Baghdad, Iraq. My my, everyone's so buggy these days...

News: Tower 2 won the tower parties. Damn.

News: I just opened a bottle of Agrum. Delicious stuff.

Sport: The Poms need to win. They're not going the right way about it. The Aussies can afford to draw. They're not going the right way about that either.

Sport: I won my squash match tonight and I am wrecked.

Weather: Dark.

News: A man's life got took away in the city today... erm... no. No more.

I need bickies. But I don't have any. That's a bugger. I also need a bed but my blog has a slightly higher priority. So does Tetris. And cats.

I still believe there is a fundamental truth... Bye.

Credits (listed in order of appearance)

CJ Curry Shane Warne
The Blog Randall Monroe
CJ's Computer Garfield
News A Compass We Found In The Dumpster
Sport Gary Glitter
Weather Zeus
Thor
Agrum Sueño
Electrician Nikola Tesla
Idealism Crushed By Humanity
Director's Cut By A Razor Blade
Catering Mars Bars
Special Thanks Simon Katich
Producer Pamela Anderson
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