August 26, 2010

Deep into the haze of time...

(rated M for Mature content: contains violence and violets)

Last time on the CJ Curry Experience: we taught you the complete history of the bottle top, showed you fifty different things to do with a KFC refresher towel, and drank from the purest waters of the Simpson Desert.

And coming up today: we review every single piece of music ever created, push a bazooka through a door's mail slot, and send you all a cheque for $0.37 for being loyal reader(s).

THE CJ CURRY EXPERIENCE 67: NOT ON MY WATCH!

The euphoria has finally died down, but it still comes back in occasional bursts. Regardless, just keep your eye on me, in case I get to excited or see an aeroplane.

Now, to business. Your contribution to my society has been greatly appreciated, and we value it higher than any other contribution that anyone else has given. Thank you. But we still need a bit more contribution. Contribution is what keeps us going here. The essence of life, as it were. Thank you.

I don't want to look up to people. I don't want to look down on people. I want to look sideways at everybody.

Man, it's been one of those nights. I didn't want to go out. I didn't want to stay in. I settled for doing both.

And there goes an aeroplane.

I needs teh sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. I have only slept properly one night in the last eight. Not cool! Not hot! Not just right! But awful!

I have an old tube that used to hold Pringles-like chips. And that's about it.

I have a bottle that used to hold cold mocha. And that's about it.

I have a plastic bag that used to hold groceries. And that's about it.

Sleep dep is a good little kicker, isn't it? Be fun with me!

*groan*

please.

There's someone I need to meet, somewhere near and some time soon, but I know I won't like it when I meet them. It'll mean losing a part of me that I'd rather not lose. Fucking wisdom teeth.

So yeah, I clocked new SMB Wii, but I'm yet to 100% it. That'll take a long time. A really long time. Help? Or... or maybe not. ...I'll bake you a muffin.

*blank space*

I think that'll do. I need sleep.

Next time on the CJ Curry Experience: we wrestle rats for money, carve a tree stump into the shape of Audrey Hepburn, and talk for fifteen minutes to a frog.

August 19, 2010

There's something to be said for trance.

(rated M for Mature content: contains ecstasy. but not the drug.)

Last time on the CJ Curry Experience: we listed 1,001 uses of Facebook, ate some chips, and travelled to the deepest jungles of New York City.

And coming up today: we eat a Vegemite-and-sushi sandwich, point and stare at a piece of lint for four hours, and play with shoes.

THE CJ CURRY EXPERIENCE 66: A DANGEROUS COMBINATION

I had almost no sleep last night

because I was too bloody EXCITED


and the euphoria still hasn't worn off






anticiPAtion
and AWESOMENESS

never let me sleep on a head full of excitement



Anxious but still euphoric

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
(this is me blatantly being epically happy)

I stopped believing in fairytales when I was 10.
I started believing in fairytales when I was 18.
I've been living in a fairytale since I turned 18.
Don't stop me.




Oh, and also, don't stop my AWESOME KICKASS FEELING.





I'm excited. Can you tell?

Next time on the CJ Curry Experience: we OH BUGGER IT I'LL STILL FEEL AWESOME

August 15, 2010

Wristwatches are for chumps.

(rated M for Mature content: contains donuts)

Last time on the CJ Curry Experience: we spoiled the plot of every movie being released in the next 25 years, put fedoras on and danced around like chickens, and stole a cookie.

And coming up today: we learn what the word "auxiliary" means, make beer coolers from duvets and T-shirts, and lay down on the ground for a few hours.

THE CJ CURRY EXPERIENCE 65: NO MORE SILENCE (YEAH, RIGHT)

August is a brutal month for me. I might even split up Season 4 of the Experience as a result. But now that's out of the aeroplane way, it's time to begin.

Welcome to another episode of the mind-warping, torturous insight into my mind and mental state. Feel free to turn off (or not. I'll turn it off for you if you want). Stream-of-consciousness ahoy!

So. I'm thinking simultaneously about the new TV show I'm watching, and all the crap I have to deal with within the next week and a half. I knew it was going to be a landslide, but hell, it's turned into a double landslide. September can't come quickly enough. Avalanche and aeroplane are just words that start with A. Aw crap, there's horrible ads on. Ads just keep getting worse. They really do, and my TV is talking to me about choctops.

The last time I saw a proper stream-of-consciousness writing was my friend's back in 2005. Five years. Now I'm going to review my own stream of consciousness. Well, once I've finished writing it. Ooh, should I be playing SNES games or not? Well, later. I still have to finish my speech and my application. I'm applying for a leadership position and talking about nothing special for five minutes, all tomorrow. Seventeen hours later, I'll be HAPPY AS HELL.

Will I even make my speech? Yes. We won't all fit in the one day but we're going by alphabetical order, so either way I'm going to be shoved in the middle. I can kinda hope for an extra week but that's probably not happening, given that we'll run through a dozen speeches per day and there's only about 15 in the class, if that. If I'm shoved in the middle then that's that, it's happening tomorrow. I need Nazi zombies.

Man. 8am start, then five-to-six hours worrying about the speech I've prepared. I'm tempted to miss a class to further prepare myself for the speech. Uk uk uk uk uk. What class can I miss? Aw, hell.

So. I've got stuff on Monday morning, Monday afternoon, Monday night, Tuesday afternoon, Tuesday night, Wednesday afternoon, Thursday night, Friday afternoon, Saturday afternoon, Sunday night, and then a week of sweet nothing until Sunday 29th. Perhaps.

Wait, is Sunday 29th a song? I have a feeling it is. And I liked the song, IIRC. HOLY CRAP, so it is. "These walls are so bare, and I close my eyes to see you when I'm lonely." I should listen to it. But that would detract from the TV show. Need to rehearse my speech and all that crap. MAN OH MAN. Ah... what? Why did I write that? I didn't think it. I thought "DAMN". Still, I should grab a donut. But I won't, the donuts and their sugar kicks need to be spent equally over the next two weeks.

One week down. Two to go. At least I'll sleep.

Next time on the CJ Curry Experience: CJ skydives off a bed, we use a pen and batteries to make fire, and send our favourite men to weave a basket and a quilt.

August 9, 2010

A remote control is all you need... if all you want is to change channel.

(rated M for Mature content: contains naughty words and ideas)

Last time on the CJ Curry Experience: we witnessed the world's smallest swan-diver jumping into a lake, painted a tin of paint, and discovered the best song to listen to if you're on a holiday with seven different people, two of them male, near the beach (but not too close to the beach) and within walking distance of a gelati shop.

And coming up today: we show you how cozy you can get for 50c per day, walk into a bear trap without getting hurt, and talk to a printer who has lost his job.

THE CJ CURRY EXPERIENCE 64: HAPPY END!

I

First up, I - wait, happy end? What the hell is happy end? ...anyway. On with it.

II

You are reading this because you are mistaken. Obviously you believe that this blog actually says something. Still, I can't blame you for trying.

III

One more week lies ahead of me, and seven straight hours of class lie behind me. I'm looking forward to the former and I'm greatly relieved about the latter. I'm also hoping that I'll soon be able to yell out BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES and get away with it.

IV

I know you want to see my latest work of poetry. But you can't. Not yet. Give it a little bit, because I'm holding it back for a bit. I'm trying to put every strength of ounce I have into creating my paper world. Paper worlds are good places to go, but you need to avoid erasers and remember to drop in on the real world every so often.

V

I have a playlist. I call it "Melbourne". It is not about Melbourne. It is about my Melbourne.

VI

No mobiles. No Walkmans. None of that, or any of the others. Signed, Bernard L. Black.

VII

-Better give me a nine iron.
-Come on, sir, this isn't the golf war.

VIII

***ADVERTISEMENT***
Coming soon on the CJ Curry Experience: once-in-a-lifetime stream-of-consciousness episode! I will simply type what I think about, even if it's button-mashing or kitten-keyboarding. What? Erm, button-mashing is hitting the same key over and over. Kitten-keyboarding is letting a cat loose on my keyboard.
***ADVERTISEMENT END***

IX

low light
soft music
fluffy rug
beanbag
headphones optional
video game or something distracting
ok, i'm ready. the atmosphear is good.
time for my paper world.

X

I still remember my old room...

XI

You will see worried looks on my face. Don't panic. I'm not worried. I'm a bit like Dr. Strangelove that way.

XII

It feels like every time I have everything worked out OK, along comes a catalyst.

XIII

Ahhhhhhhh...

Next time on the CJ Curry Experience: we retract a generic statement, show the world what it's like to be a piece of cheese (Axis wanted me to say that), and show you how to dismantle a yoghurt.

August 3, 2010

Is a horse a home?

(rated M for Mature content: contains boring explanations not suitable for kiddies. go away, under-18s)

Last time on the CJ Curry Experience: we trekked through the forests of the Nullarbor, and showed you all the potential hazards of misspelling words with the letters P and H in them (particularly the word "herpahs").

And coming up today: we look at the world's largest collection of pocket lint, chat with the inventor of the remote control and the potato chip, and discuss the merits of using one's bellybutton.

THE CJ CURRY EXPERIENCE 63: SIGN ON THE DOTTED LINE

So. You know me. You know my signs. Here they are, fresh for your disjoyment. Please remember to read them in a variety of styles and fonts.
  • PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS SIGN (This was vandalised a few days later when my RA wrote "OK" underneath.)
  • MAKE ME A SANDWICH! (This was for anyone to make me a sandwich. I can't make good sandwiches.)
  • IF YOU CAN READ THIS SIGN, YOU ARE STANDING TOO CLOSE. (If you can read this writing, you are reading too close.)
  • YOU JUST LOST THE GAME (I'm not sorry. I'm really not.)
  • ∫ex = f(un) (An oldie, but a goodie.)
  • JUST DON'T DO IT. (Take that, Nike.)
  • I AM THE PERSONIFICATION OF YOUR DOOM. (Too true. Especially where I live.)
  • THAT'S TOO NAUGHTY (Whatever you're doing, stop. It's naughty.)
  • THIS IS THE EVIL LAIR OF OCEAN BIRD (Ocean bird? We associate seas with oceans, and one type of bird is a jay. Sea Jay. Full credit to my friend J for that one.)
  • THE TRIANGLES ARE SQUARES (graffitied over with "And you are a circle". Curse you.)
  • YOU JUST GOT SIEGE'D. (Pronounce my name, but leave out the "ay".)
  • don't tell the ghosts that I'm here (Again, graffitied with "I don't have to tell them. They already know you are here... Hehehe... >.<" with a drawing resembling a munchkin holding a tooth.)
  • If you knock on my door and I'm not in, or I don't answer, then what you wanted wasn't that important. (Poor. Very poor.)
  • YOU ARE NOW ENTERING THE ZONE OF CJ. WARNING: MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC CONTENT. (Much like this blog.)
  • You are here. (Can't argue with that... although some have tried.)
  • ROOM 12CF Version: 2.0. INHABITANT BITES. HAVE YOU HAD YOUR RABIES SHOT? (Careful.)
  • I WANT PIE (I always want pie. Someone put an "RRE" at the end. Stupid-head.)
  • I like you. Can we be friends? (Please yes please?)
  • IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME (Tell me you don't know where this comes from. I dare you.)
  • INSERT HUMOUROUS ONELINER HERE (Be creative!)
  • FEED ME (Because I always need more feeding.)
  • you fascinate me (And you always have.)
  • SIGN-MAKING THESE DAYS IS NOT ONLY OVERRATED, IT'S ALSO BLOODY DIFFICULT. ESPECIALLY COMING UP WITH FRESH IDEAS. HAVE YOU EVER TRIED WRITING SIGNS FOR THREE MONTHS, THEN STRUGGLED TO COME UP WITH AN IDEA? WELL, THAT'S HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW. OUT OF FRESH THOUGHTS. STILL, I DERIVE SOME PLEASURE KNOWING THAT YOU'RE STILL READING THIS GARBAGE, EVEN THOUGH IT DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING CONSTRUCTIVE IN ANY WAY. YOU JUST GOT DUPED BY C.J, AND, LET'S FACE IT, THAT'S JUST BAD. (I genuinely wrote all that.)
  • HI. (Short, to the point, and liked by many people.)
  • Inside here, you will find: -rainbows -earthworms -microscopic hummingbirds (From Black Moth Super Rainbow.)
  • DO NOT TOUCH THIS SIGN. (Nobody graffitied over this one.)
  • beans. (this was later added to: "I'll give them to you." then added to again: "let me show you them". Both of those were CJ-authorised.)
  • DO YOU HAVE A HALL PASS? (Very few people did...)
  • MINE IS THE DRILL THAT WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS! (Look this one up yourself.)
  • you. yes, you. you are on 12C. deal. (That's where I live.)
  • THE BLACK LAGOON - ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. (People still entered. I never heard from them again...)
  • I'm on a horse. (Old Spice FTW.)
Buh-bye now.

Next time on the CJ Curry Experience: we prove to you that the entire blog is completely canon and all crazy. We also show you the value of retconning everything.
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