May 25, 2009

A major problem in Australia

I has sick. No, it's not the swine flu. No, it's not the seasonal flu. No, it's not typhoid fever. No, it's not any fever. No, it's not anything serious. Yes, it is a common cold. Yay! I'm going to live!

Welcome back to the CJ Curry Experience. The only M-rated blog with a ghostwriter that credits himself as the writer.

Sleep deprived again. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

POST 19: GOD, WHAT KIND OF A NERD AM I?

Hi friend.

It is raining in the Tiergarten.

That's just the music talking.

I wonder how will live be in five more seconds from now?

Revolution!

What happened? Is everything cool?

Yeah, yeah.

I've stuck around, through thick and through thin. You cannot deny I've always been there.

It was me on that road, but you couldn't see me.

Sing my song, somewhere beyond, better days will soon come.

I've been the one to par-tay until the end.

My words hang in the air.

Maybe we could make it alright.

Love, sunshine & happiness...

You're on your feet again.

Hold that sucker down!

When you buy your Winnebago, I want to ride on a white horse.

Tell me what you want me to say on your birthday.

I remember when we were younger, how the stars still shine.

Do you know Carolina? Where the biscuits are soft and sweet...

This does not change my love for you. I want to spend my life with you.

I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS!!!

Bye friend.

May 23, 2009

SOMEONE. WILL. DIE.

You've known me for 18 posts and hated me for 20. So I shall reveal a secret: the secret behind my annoyingly stupid screen name. But that won't happen until the end of the season. Bahaha! SUSS PENCE!

Welcome back to the CJ Curry Experience. We promise that once you've been through the Experience, you'll never have to leave the house again, unless it's for food, entertainment, or to take the kids to school.

I've been chewing ice all day and night because my freezer is thawing. Ice makes me feel good because it's cold and I can't stand non-cold drinks. I considered staying up all night to watch the sun rise but instead I stayed up all night playing chess. That gives you an idea about how truly exciting my life isn't. (Trust me, it's more exciting than I give it credit for.)

POST 18: THE END IS NIGH

Java is my bitch. Let me show you!

public class Blog
{
public static void main(String[] args)
{
Reader you = new Reader(personReadingBlog);
User me = new User(cjCurry);
int postNumber = 18;
double annoyanceFactor = 0;
for(int number = 0; number <> 50)
{
System.out.println("If you're that annoyed by my blog, GTFO.");
}
else
{
System.out.println("I swear, I will offend you yet!");
}
if(you.equals(idiot) && me.hasNotInsultedYet)
{
System.out.println("You are an idiot!");
}
else
{
System.out.println("You are not an idiot. Please disregard.");
}
System.out.println("Blogging is fun. Be my friend!");
}
}

See? It's my bitch!

Mathematics is also my bitch. Let me show you!

Proof that all odd numbers are prime (according to several members of several different professions) follows.

(First: a quick reminder. Prime numbers are numbers that can only be exactly divided by themselves, and the number 1 - in other words, they have two factors. 4 is not a prime number, because it can be exactly divided by 2. 5 is a prime number, because it can only be divided exactly by 5 and 1.

Also: a quick explanation. By definition, the number 1 is not a prime number, as it has only one factor. Don't argue with me, I'm a maths geek. However, for the time being, I am treating 1 as a prime number.)

MATHEMATICIANS: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, the proof follows by induction.

PHYSICISTS: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, the empirical evidence is overwhelming.

STATISTICIANS: Let us take a sample of odd numbers: 5, 97, 43, 37, and 101. They are all prime, so all odd numbers must be prime.

UNIX USER: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, SEGMENTATION FAULT - CORE DUMPED

MAC USER: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, Ooh look! Pretty picture!

WINDOWS VISTA USER: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, Would you like to continue this action? Yes/No

PSYCHOLOGIST: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is latently prime but repressing it...

GAMER: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is only prime after completing the game and unlocking everything...

ZX-81 USER: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, OUT OF MEMORY

LOLCAT: 1 iz prime, 3 iz prime, I iz hungry. Now givez me cheezburger.

AUSTRALIAN: Prime? You mean Kevin Rudd, right?

ARTS MAJOR: What's a prime number?

SPORTS MAJOR: What's a number?

Thank you to ariels, Footprints and AmbitionDesign for about 85% of that joke. If I find or think up more, send me a hand-thrown piece of parchment entitled "I have fought the big knives..."

Ouch ouch. My stomach is hurting me. I need food. Therefore, bye bye. But before I go, I need you to know that I love you. Nearly. Thanks for playing. Now, go away.

May 17, 2009

You're paying for overpriced air!

Exams are coming up. Yeah, that's right, exams. And I'll be more intermittent. Yeah, that's right. No more CJ Curry Experiences for you. Well, maybe. Matter of fact, I promised 20 in a series, yeah? Cool. I knew you loved me.

Welcome back to the CJ Curry Experience. It's a non-stop, rollicking ride of shits and giggles, though it does stop, and it doesn't rollick. It doesn't giggle, but it assumes that you giggle. It doesn't shit, but it assumes that it gives you the shits.

We all like reruns! And we all like reminiscing. So the 20th episode will be half old crap and half new crap. 'K? 'K. Excellent. Saves me work, saves your eyesight, and saves my budget. Everyone wins! Except John Howard! He lost! Hahaha!

POST 17: ZERO ZERO WAS ONCE A SONG I HEARD...

Melbin is teh fantasticzorz to me so far and it is especially fantasticzorz to me. w00t yeah! Still loving it and it's still loving me. Well, nearly. Public transport has once again given me the shits! No signs posted to the Zoo from the tram I took. Bah! Oh well.

I'm watching Good News Week for about the third time! Love those vodcasts. Like podcasts, but with a V! V or P? One's worth 16 and one's worth 22, that means Vodcasts are so much better than Podcasts... by a factor of 6! Sweet.

Also, Sessions Six! Trés disques! I'm snowed under with assignments and study and I'm talking about music and vodcasts and it's all the bloody same. For I am CJ Curry!

bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle

Pig flu. Media mess. Kill everyone involved with the media, that'll learn 'em! In fact, kill 'em with the pig flu! Bah, you can't die from pig flu yet. I like it how the media has blown the whole thing out of proportion and completely forgotten to tell us the

STATISTICS

of the whole thing. Roughly 70 out of roughly 8500 people with the flu have died. That gives you a 0.8% chance of dying. Seriously. ONLY ONE IN EVERY 125 PEOPLE WITH THE FLU WILL DIE FROM COMPLICATIONS ARISING FROM THE FLU. Don't believe me? I'm a fucking mathematician. Now shove it up your anus and get on with your life. And, by the way, this graph is VERY MISLEADING. DO NOT TRUST IT.

On that note, my aim with the CJ Curry Experience is to offend everybody. If you haven't been offended by one of my posts, I'm doing something wrong.

Anyway, on with it.

Discotek! August In Paris, Open The Gates, Zero Zero. Listen! Go! Listen!

The global financial crisis! SUCK IT UP!

Ooh, look. I see pretty pictures. They're all unaccessible by the human eye. Too bad.

And, with that, I shall retreat into my evil lair and plot the downfall of all humans. *tch* It'll be too bloody easy. Humans are stupid. We shall meet again!

Did that "humans are stupid" line offend you? If so, send me an email at go_blow@yourself.com

May 10, 2009

Le damn.

So first there was this guy on my first train of the day, he'd lost his wallet, and instead of trying to explain to the police, he did a runner at the next station. Stupid stupid man. So then there was this hideous bus trip back to my birth town. Then a hideous bus trip back to the halfway mark. Then a hideous bus trip to the three-quarter mark. Then a hideously long wait for a train that was promised to be there immediately. Then a hideously long train trip. Then another hideous train trip with a couple who insisted on smoking on the train, despite the fact that nobody around them wanted them to smoke and the fact that no smoking was allowed on the train, and the fact that one of them was either drunk or stoned or just acting like he was drunk or stoned. Then, upon getting off the last train, the hideous realisation that no buses run between the station and home on Sundays. Thank Gods for mobile phones and McDonalds, otherwise it might have been another hour and a half, or maybe even all night.

NOT COOL.

NOT COOL AT ALL.

IT IS NOT COOL TO THE POINT OF BEING AN EPIC FAIL.

CONNEX EPIC FAILS, YA HEAR?!?!?

...ahem. Welcome back to the CJ Curry Experience. Makes your smile whiter and your hair curl, and will guarantee* to keep your kidneys clean and healthy for the next five seconds.
*Guarantee void if kidneys in horrible condition to begin with, or if there is someone standing behind you.

Tired.

POST 16: WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM SLEEP DEPRIVATION

I was zombiefied! "Melbourne Zombie Shuffle 2009" on YouTube. You won't see me. But you'll see others. Sweet.

My new word of the week is "arbitrary". My new phrase of the week is "That's crazy talk". My new obsession of the month is pasta. My new sarcastic comment of the week is "I'm not being sarcastic".

Refrigerated treats provide the best nutrition for students, by far.

Heater is hot. Ouch ouch, stupid Curry man.

I have spores.

Mmph.

Ya.

O.

I.

There is no letter smaller in size than I, so I guess I'll have to finish that one there.

I am listening to a B Movie and watching a song. I think that's how it goes.

I want to try polyphasic sleep. But I do not have the schedule. Screw you, hideous schedule.

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY, SKYPE IS A FUCKING GENIUS APPLICATION!

And on that note, I bid you adieu, from a reasonably short, but still annoyingly nonsensical, CJ Curry Experience. Four posts left until the end of the first season!

May 4, 2009

No! Eh? Chut up!

At first glance, the title looks a bit like "O RLY? YA RLY! NO WAI!" But I can assure you that "No! Eh? Chut up!" has nothing to do with owls. It is merely a homage to a quiz I found floating around the depths of the information superhighway. I mention this not because it's related in any way to this blog, but simply as an excuse to use the phrase "information superhighway". Ooh yeah. Gotta love that information superhighway.

Welcome back to the CJ Curry Experience. It's an M-rated, pretentious blog written by an M-rated, pretentious blogger, but it still loves you in a way that your parents never did.

Who likes things to be arbitrary? I do. I even like the word "Arbitrary". It's my word of the week. I'm told I go through phases like that, and that they last about a month. Phases have included parkour, Grand Theft Auto, cheese, and the information superhighway.

POST 15: DON'T BE TAKIN' THE LEGO...

Ooh yeah. Nonsequiturs.

Anyway. On with the show. I like cheeeeeeeeeeese...

The best thing about being at uni is the level of freedom. Again, this is a point that is completely irrelevant to this post. So, no more about uni.

When life gets you down, stay down. You're going to be dealt another blow in a few minutes, and life has a pretty nasty left hook. Just wait until life is about to hit you again, then jump back up, kick it in the crotch, and win. Because life is just worth winning at.

Utopia! I have found my own personal utopia! Sitting Lying in my room, with chillout music pumping at an astounding 40 decibels through my headphones which basically block out all other sound, wrapped in my rug and playing video games... BLISS!!!

Song lyrics! My other social networking site has my statuses as simply song lyrics. Deal with it because I like it like that and song lyrics are very representative of my mood at times, particularly when I'm in my own little utopia... BLISS!!!

The information superhighway! What an arbitrary name.

I need cheese.

I just found a social networking viral note asking me to write 25 random facts about me, I shall do this and repost it next Experience. Fun!

I know it's an epic fail of me, but I need dinner. Silicon chips I bought from an information superhighway truckstop just won't do.

How arbitrary of me...
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