But enough of that. Now back to the nonsense.
Welcome back to the CJ Curry Experience. It's the best experience in the world, if you don't mind curry, nonsense, or a pretentious M-rated blog that constantly spouts junk at you, no matter where or who you are.
It's almost holiday season! Only 272 days until Christmas!
It's the lucky 7th post. I shall therefore reveal your horoscope for today. Lucky you!
Today, you will meet a tall, dark stranger. Turns out that s/he is gay. No sex for you tonight.
If things seem to be going wrong for you today, it's because things are going wrong. Suck it up, you wuss.
As the moon and Venus get closer together, it's a sure sign that you will be unlucky. Deal with it.
You will get cancer.
Surprisingly, you will not be mauled by a lion. Instead, your long lost auntie will come to visit. (There's a reason she's long-lost...)
Have a drink of water. If it tastes OK, then you haven't been targeted.
Look out for bandicoots. The stars are saying that you'll be beaten to death by a bandicoot.
Ooh, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes right now...
Dear Sagittarians, you may already have won our 10 MILLION DOLLAR GRAND LUCKY PRIZE...
The Internet is stalking you. Run and hide under the bed for the rest of the year to get away from it.
There's a 23% chance of you catching a cold today. There is also a 77% chance of catching measles.
Today, you will meet a tall, dark stranger, who... oh wait, that was Aries. Bad luck, Pisces. You get nothing.