Dozen! Dozen!

I am CJ Curry. This is the Experience. And you just had an all-consuming powerful urge to feed this text through text-to-speech to find out what I really sound like, across the other side of the digital void.

EPISODE ONE FOUR FOUR: OH, GROSS!

I wish to be the leader of a messed-up generation. Much like Cæsar, I will take on the title CJ. I would, of course, change leadership every 525,600 minutes, from CJ to CJ, passing it down the line of CJs. Until finally, one day, the messed-up generation will no longer be messed-up and I'll have to find a new land to take over. One that grows cheese and lemmings in rye fields.

...and I expect you to be crushed!!!

Right in front of my face... sits a pile of papers. Right in front of that pile of papers... sits a keyboard. Right in front of that keyboard... is a monitor. Right in front of that monitor... is a pile of bottle caps. Right in front of those bottle caps... is a pen. Sitting there like a pen. Right in front of that pen... is a Wii. Right in front of that Wii... is a mouse. Right in front of that mouse... is a receipt. Right in front of that receipt... is evidence that my desk is overwhelmingly cluttered.

...or else I will end you!!!

I AM OCEAN BIRD. I HAVE APPEARED BEFORE YOU WITH A WARNING. THE WORLD WILL SOON RUN OUT OF LOGARITHMS. I AM HOPING YOU HAVE ENOUGH STORED TO CREATE AN IMPACT UPON THE PUNY CITIZENS OF THIS EARTH. SOMEWHERE. SOMETIME. SOMEHOW. IF YOU DO NOT... WELL... THAT IS PATHETIC. GO EAT SOME KABANA.

...this is your final warning!!!

sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet

...I will fuck you up!!!

I've got the key, I've got the secret. In my heart I locked a secret, but your leaving was the key. OUT OF THE SKY. Hoo-fuckin'-ray. Beat that on your drum, get ravey, and, erm, just have fun. Okay? Seriously, kids these days...

Also, for those who were wondering:
WINDOWS 7 (Chess Titans) vs. XUBUNTU 12.04 (glChess)
1. d4 Nf6 2. c4 e6 3. Nc3 Bb4 4. Nf3 b6 5. g3 Ba6 6. Qa4 c5 7. Bg2 Bxc4 8. Nd2 Bd5 9. Nxd5 exd5 10. dxc5 bxc5 11. Qb3 Bxd2+ 12. Bxd2 c4 13. Qe3+ Qe7 14. Qxe7+ Kxe7 15. Bc3 Ke6 16. Bxf6 gxf6 17. 0-0-0 Nc6 18. Bxd5+ Kf5 19. Rd2 Ne5 20. Bxa8 (at this point, some human Black players would resign) Rxa8 21. f4 c3 22. bxc3 Nc4 23. Rxd7 Re8 24. Rxf7 (White is clearly overwhelming Black) Rxe2 25. Rxa7 Rd2 26. Ra4 Nb2 27. Rb4 Nc4 28. a4 Re2 29. Rxc4 h6 (Black surely must be giving up by now) 30. h3 h5 31. Rd1 Ke6 32. Rc6+ Kf5 33. Rdd6 Re1+ 34. Kd2 Rb1 35. Rxf6+ Ke4 36. Rce6+ Kf3 37. Re3+ Kf2 38. f5 Rb7 39. Rd6 Rc7 40. f6 Rc4 41. f7 Rc8 42. Re8 Kg1 43. Rxc8 Kf2 44. f8Q+ Kxg3 45. Rg6+ Kxh3 46. Qf1+ (nail in the coffin) Kh4 47. Qh1# 1-0
WINDOWS 7: 1 win from 1 game
XUBUNTU 12.04: 1 loss from 1 game
MAC OS X: 0 games

L