July 28, 2010

Horrifyingly deliberate precision!

(rated M for Mature content: contains the word "mindfuck" at least once)

Last time on the CJ Curry Experience: we drove through camel-infested swamps in the Sahara, showed you fifty new things to do with a remote control, and threw ourselves off London Bridge.

And coming up today: we take a trip to the Congo, where we will learn how to make badgers, sing hymns through vuvuzelas, and camouflage ourselves as waterfalls.


People saw me in colour! Instead of in black and black, like I'm usually dressed, over the weekend I was dressed in blue and green and yellow and red and orange and purple and white and black and pink and sky blue and beige and chartreuse and off-white and gold and mauve and scarlet and grey and brown and blood red and heliotrope and cyan and magenta and violet and indigo and ao and lavender and lemon and lilac and sepia and burgundy and flame and ghost white and electric blue and #6anana and Kelly green and turquoise and royal blue and mahogany and flax and aquamarine and crimson and verdigris and azure and jade and silver and moccasin and Mountbatten pink and neon and tangerine and black.

I had icecream! Can you say VA-NI-LLA?

I can hear all of you out there. You're messing with my thoughts. You are very fucky people.

I'd like to quickly talk now about Metcards. This species, once amazingly abundant, has now had its life placed under threat. The recent Australian introduction of its natural predator, the Myki, has led to a sharp decrease in Metcard numbers. Personally, I have collected over 100 examples of this fine species, to save them from absolute extinction. However, extinction is still imminent, and despite these warnings, humans are still attempting to make the Myki thrive. You can save the Metcard by logging on to www.savethemetcard.biz and registering yourself as a Myki opposer. BYO Guy Fawkes mask. A Metcard's life is worth every cent you invest in this venture.

In no particular order, here are:
  • Au Revoir Simone
  • Yppah
  • A Man Called Adam
  • Aphex Twin
  • Harry Nilsson
  • Art Of Noise
  • Robyn
  • Mr. Scruff
And in no other particular order, here are:
  • bricks
  • hair
  • streams of consciousness
  • biscuits
  • word association
  • noise complaints
  • ooze
  • a barcode
Australia has a federal election coming up. We have elections evely day and evely night. (apologies to everyone who invented that joke) There is a big one coming up on August 21. (Holy fuck, I'm going to be OLD by then!) I want to clarify that I don't want any more political bullshit shoved up my snoot. God knows I get enough of it in Curryland.

Oh, yeah. It's been pointed out that Curryland could be a metaphor for my current living conditions. I call bullshit (mainly because I'm the guy writing it in the first place). Allow me to explain: The Empire of Curryland is an actual country. It's a small island in the Pacific, shaped roughly like a cloud. It has a population of some 1,500,000 people, all heavily clustered together in a space called MySpace. It has many of the world's biggest advances in technology, such as the dodecahydraulic engine, the hexagrammic quantum computer, and a rapper who is actually good. I live in the north-west. If you want to talk to me, just call Curryland and ask to speak to James. My name's not James, you say? Well, I didn't say it was.

It's been a while since I've talked about aeroplanes. In fact, it's been a while since one flew overhead. Aeroplanes fly overhead so often that you don't even notice them. But I guess that's quite normal for someone in my position OH MY GOD THERE GOES ONE NOW AEROPLANE AEROPLANE A E R O P L A N E!!!!!

what is in my subconscious WHAT THE HELL IS IN MY SUBCONSCIOUS

...ahem. While I recover from my spiral dive into insanity, here is the most obvious colour that I have been wearing lately:

├Žneous, c├Žsious, eburnean, rubious, spadiceous, xanthic, purpureal, leucochroic, flammeous, cretaceous, cardinal, albugineous, sulphureous white.

Next time on the CJ Curry Experience: we take the Oblique Strategies out for a spin, demonstrate a generic scientific experiment, and CJ interviews the new Canon Eos camera. Save the date!

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