I am CJ Curry. This is the Experience. And you're too cute for words.
EPISODE ONE FIVE SIX: NP-COMPLETENESS AND JAZZ!
Now that we have that unpleasant little tl;dr out of the road: HI! I am your doom.
Last week I was a relative unknown. This week I am still a relative unknown, but my relatives are known. Know one on earth nos me like me and I am not what it says on the tin. Non sum qualis eram.
Name: CJ. Gender: M. Nature: Hardy. Ability: Oblivious. Level 37. Characteristic: somewhat stubborn. Stats: 88/50/49/46/63/50. Come at me.
Blast and a half!
You know what can turn a great mood into a horrible one? A brush with instant pudding. That stuff is lumpier than your footpath's sealing-wax buildup. Though it is cleaner. Also, I can eat your stocks of gravy and not worry, and fire a million pieces of sunlight into the ocean without sneezing.
Sing me a song. Not of sixpence. Those things are way outdated anyway.
Look. You coulda been helpful and barely lifted a finger, but instead you decided to be all "fuck you" just because of our history. I think I was being perfectly reasonable. You were not.