November 11, 2013

Drop it like it's slightly warm.

EPISODE 198: IF I WANTED GRASS-FLAVOURED WAFFLES, I WOULD HAVE ASKED FOR THEM!

One Wizz Fizz high later and I am struggling to keep track of myself as a human being. Are we all cool if I treat myself as a sea-based bat for a while? Yes? Good. Now, we -- wait, what? Some chump up the back is NOT cool with that? ...What do you mean, he's a bricklayer? ...Well, I don't care if he's the Queen of Australia, this blog does not tolerate bricklayer dissidents. GET HIM OUT OF HERE. ...Right. Sorted. I am now a sea bat.

Untangled my heart.

When I shine, I shine. When I burn, I burn. When I fall, I collapse. Let's not do any collapsing for a while. Sea bats don't deal well with collapsation. Not only that, but when a fire is burning, I'm all in favour of keeping that fire burning.

Do you mind if we kill some of the demons in here? They're kinda ruining the atmosphear, and a wood-splitter really ain't gonna do much at all. Or, at least, it tried. Demon-death is a bit difficult at the worst of times, and it wasn't the best of times...

I'm sorry, but when I met you you seemed decent enough, however as of right now you remind me of a poor man's guano. That needs to be repaired and fast, so the best way would be to extract head from sphincteral orifice and start being human again, and then maybe you won't be so guano-ish. ...or was that supposed to be "iguana"?

as i hear your voice it sets my heart on fire.
one look and you can take me down.
take my hand, and let it come...

Plants and ripped-on flower buds can appear without warning but at least it's a good thing because that means the bugs can be squished instead of fully eaten alive with poisons too deadly for most folks... this is gonna be a long struggle.

Surprisingly and a half I don't really have that much else to say. Great. So I'm going to fire my entire writing staff and replace them with one-third rabid mongooses, one-third paperweights that have been alive for the last 24 hours at least, and one-third people such as you. In fact, I'm looking at one rabid mongoose in particular and one human being in particular - though there are several other vacancies. If you wish to apply, take your résumé and feed it through a shredder (the original, please, no copies), then mail the strips to CJ Curry, c/o Curryland (the folks at the new folks' home know where to send it). It is best delivered by homing stork, though I will also accept packages delivered by magnetic mosquito or by a fruitbat and its orchestra.

I declare that this be amazing.

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