February 10, 2010

Did you enjoy the silence?

Hi. I'm CJ. And I enjoy curry.


Welcome back to the third season of the CJ Curry Experience, where you can experience me 24/7. I realise a lot of my readers won't know what the hell is going on, so here is a brief recap of Seasons 1 and 2.

In March 2009, someone stupidly showed me Blogspot, which became Blogger. I created the CJ Curry Experience from the ground up. In Season 1, starting in early March, the Experience found its feet as it spouted nonsense from all its orifices, and interviewed such luminaries as Albert Einstein, Nikola Tesla, Benjamin Franklin and Jesus. We joined forces with such other blogs as Ways Of The World and smartassery.101 (both of these mysteriously disappeared off the face of the Internats three days after I joined forces with them... what a coincidence).

I am CJ. I am the creator of the blog. I'm highly dangerous when you arm me with a QWERTY board. I'm 9ft4in tall, over two hundred years old, tanned and fucking good-looking. But I'm in a relationship. Sucks to be you.

So, at the end of Season 1, I got renewed by Curryland Media, PLC and came back here with more garbage in Season 2. Curryland Media decided not to renew me for the third season, so I've started my own ninja broadcast. It's like a pirate broadcast, only I'm stealthy enough so that I won't get caught. I'm going to transmit each episode of S3 from different locations, and they'll all be on the same frequency that you usually find Curryland's most popular radio show, waveCJ.

Those who wish to try and track me down will find it is impossible, but those who wish to guess my location each post can enter the "Where In The World Is Curry Sanfrancisco?" competition I'm running. The prize varies each week, and all you have to do is send your guess in by writing it on the back of a self-addressed, stamped payslip, sitting on the payslip for three weeks until it hatches, and sending the offspring on a paper aeroplane towards Curryland. (I left a forwarding address.)

For those who have no idea who I am, here is a little about me, presented as a series of 20 factoids. It's kind of the reverse of 20 questions. Take careful note of these factoids. You will be tested.
  1. My favourite three books in the whole world are House Of Leaves, by Mark Z. Danielewski; The Last Lecture, by Randy Pausch; and I Heard The Owl Call My Name, by Margaret Craven. I have copies of all but the last one. I'm hoping that the last one will become public domain soon.
  2. I am a gamer. I have owned - in no particular order - two PCs, a Game Boy, a GBA, an NDS, a Wii, and about five million games. I foresee a repeat of the video game crisis of 1984 in the near future.
  3. My house is nice. Unfortunately I haven't been there in ages, in order to facilitate this ninja broadcast.
  4. I believe in freedom. Free booze, free omelettes, free cheers for me!
  5. Curryland is a zeroth world country. It's a step up from a first world country. We have technology that first world countries only dream of. But we don't share it.
  6. I manage a cricket team by proxy.
  7. My favourite movies of all time are The Matrix, I, Robot and Police Academy.
  8. My favourite TV series of all time are Jonathan Creek, Red Dwarf and Spicks & Specks.
  9. My favourite ways of messing with your mind of all time are mindfucking, spouting nonsense, and telling you that you'll be fine.
  10. Kanye West was responsible for the best meme of all time. Of all time.
  11. I like listening to ambient, house, electronic, experimental, trance, acid, chillout, minimalistic, and indie music. But I've never heard any one song that encompasses all those genres.
  12. Joy. This is a fact.
  13. There is no number 13.
  14. "Yow" is my new catchphrase.
  15. ?????
  16. PRO-- wait.
  17. Often, during surveys, I drift off and start writing junk.
  18. During the last three or so questions, I usually start concentrating again, and I become more coherent.
  19. I firmly believe that everyone has a secret to hide, and everyone has a story to tell.
  20. I often end surveys with a disclaimer, saying that I may have made up everything I just wrote. Indeed, you should know that I often make up "facts" about myself. Trust nobody, believe nothing.


This has been a CJ Curry presentation for CJ Curry Enterprises, Inc. Don't forget to enter the "Where In The World Is Curry Sanfrancisco?" competition. The prize for EP41 is: a rubber chicken, dipped in liquid gold and soaked for six weeks in a bucket of misery and shame. It's actually quite a lot of fun: shove it in an emo kid's face, and watch them squirm. Get entries in quick!

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