February 27, 2013


"Shit I've learned about myself in four years"
a.k.a. "The Rules Of CJ Curry"

To celebrate (commiserate?) the fact that I've spent four years in my current city (as of Feb. 22 this year) and five-and-a-bit years since finishing high school, here it is for your listening pleasure.
  1. I cannot gain much weight or muscle. Don't try making me.
  2. I hate driving, but I will always offer you a lift.
  3. I am ruthless when I play Monopoly or Trivial Pursuit.
  4. Emacs shits all over every other text editor.
  5. Life is one huge character study, and I am getting good at it.
  6. The best night of my year is the same night you will find me dancing like a mad freak. Usually happens in late February, or a warm night in March.
  7. There is always a hidden side of me that you haven't yet seen.
  8. The best creatures in life are owls.
  9. I will accept your challenge.
  10. It's all about the house music, and always has been.
  11. Skulls are not pleasant.
  12. Rainbow jelly is best in large doses.
  13. There is no Rule 13.
  14. Driving 300mi each weekend just to play cricket is not unreasonable.
  15. I am being active and outgoing this week/end, and my injured body part has no say in the matter.
  16. "House Of Leaves" changes my perspective on life and people in different ways each time I read it.
  17. When I am up, I am up. When I am down, I am down. When I am only halfway up, I am neither up nor down.
  18. If I'm on my balcony, or up my tree, handle the situation with kid gloves.
  19. Pride is my greatest sin, though I'm a fan of all seven.
  20. Never fuck with me when I have a corrosive pistol or an incendiary sniper rifle.
  21. If I shudder violently, that's fine.
  22. The only person who can break me is me.
  23. I will care more about other folks than myself.
  24. Life is an old arcade game, like Pac-Man. Life does not get harder after every level, only different. The aim is not to win, but to go for the high score. You can only screw up so many times before you die.
  25. Memes are amazing. In-jokes doubly so.
  26. You cannot beat me at Toad Factory on Mario Kart Wii, nor Tick Tock Clock on Mario Kart DS.
  27. I tend to be funnier when I'm on a computer, and weirder when I'm not.
  28. You cannot read my horrible poker face.
  29. Sunshine makes me happy, and heat gives me energy, but I really do need those sunglasses.
  30. Pokémon rules. Zelda drools.
  31. If I am in a musical trance, best leave me be unless you know what kind of music is playing.
  32. My job is to find kitten. This task is made complicated by the existence of various things that are not kitten.
  33. If I am hyperactively happy, assume there's no reason.
  34. Sentimental value is always greater than cash value.
  35. My social calendar has no limits.
  36. My idiosyncratic language style is harmless, but confusing. I need a translator.
  37. The best number ever is the first irregular prime.
  38. I like the nightlife, baby.
  39. Mathematics is a way of life.
  40. Losing computer data is the end of the world.
  41. Never mess with Sunday.
  42. I must always know where my towel is.
  43. Censorship can go fuck itself.
  44. I have more female friends than male friends, and occasionally consider myself as "one of the girls". But, I am (mostly) heterosexual.
  45. If I am ugly, my sister is stupid.
  46. Do not write off the Australian cricket team unless they have mathematically lost.
  47. I have only one major aspiration, and otherwise like living each day as it comes.
  48. Black is the best "colour".
  49. Sleeping on my beanbag or on the floor is no issue for me.
  50. My geocaching addiction does not require an intervention.
  51. If one foot goes down in front of the other, do not question it.
  52. Believe what you want, but don't shove it down my throat, especially if it's logically or provably false.
  53. If it is a pun, I have heard it or made it.
  54. If I drop a catch or have been bowled out for a low score, I am a ticking time bomb.
  55. If it makes me laugh, it makes me laugh loud.
  56. Forgotten things haunt me. The antidote is nipple face.
  57. If I suddenly run out of a room and splash my face with water, all I needed was to wake up.
  58. If it's a Facebook status of mine, it's likely to be lyrics.
  59. The owner of the biggest nerf gun is not necessarily the best shot.
  60. I like trains. I like waiting for trains.
  61. My Bill Of Rights is a legal and binding document.
  62. When I am drunk, I am loud and obnoxious, but mostly harmless.
  63. Good luck trying to convince me that there is a god, a purpose to life, a thing that is not quantifiable, or edible seafood.
  64. My five celebrity freebies are Jewel Staite, Emiliana Torrini, Emma Watson, Ellyse Perry and Scarlett Johansson. In no particular order.
  65. My sister got all the awesome genes.
  66. If presented with an intriguing enough puzzle, I go into tunnel vision mode.
  67. T-shirts must have slogans, or some kind of awesome design.
  68. If I have willingly told you when my birthday is, or you have successfully convinced me to change my Facebook profile picture, you are a rare and precious jewel.
  69. Sixty-nine is a very sexy number. It is a semiprime, the highest factorial on most calculators, and can be read upside down.
  70. My pedantry is at its greatest when talking about numbers and logic.
  71. If I am bored, look out.
  72. In base four, I'm fine.
  73. Cyberpunk, as a concept, is awesome.
  74. My music tastes are exotic. It is a miracle if you like ten or more songs in my list, and you are a hero if you have ten or more songs I like.
  75. I do not deal in pet names.
  76. "CJ" stands for "corney joker" or "calculator jockey".
  77. I do not tend to watch movies. Hence I do not know anything about James Bond.
  78. If I go to bed without doing something wrong, that day has been wasted.
  79. I no longer follow Australian rules football. September is a terrible month.
  80. If you want to get a message across, you have to hit me over the head with a ten-ton anvil.
  81. My door is always open, except if it's closed.
  82. I do not take kindly to compliments.
  83. Red Dwarf is the best TV show ever.
  84. It is impossible to decide which animal suits me most: owl, cat, phoenix, hedgehog.
  85. Gaige and Yoko Littner are perfectly acceptable celebrity crushes.
  86. Archaic terminology is perfectly acceptable, so long as it's relevant. Imperial measurements included.
  87. The only superstition I follow is the number eighty-seven. It is thirteen short of one hundred.
  88. You just lost The Game and I have no regrets.
  89. Rain is always the same, no matter where I am. I will walk out into it just to get wet.
  90. If I have a can of A&W Creaming Soda in one hand and a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup in the other, all is right with the world.
  91. I am not a cyborg simply for having a Bluetooth earpiece.
  92. The hair looks fine as a rat's nest, but I hate my eyes.
  93. It's either whisky and cola, whiskey and cola, lemon lime and bitters, or Rekorderlig.
  94. I will not overtake on a single-lane road.
  95. I am a Melburnian. Any connection I have with my home town is merely a technicality, but I love my family to bits.
  96. My bandanna only comes off if it is absolutely filthy, or if I need a shower or sleep.
  97. Ambiguity must be both played straight and lampshaded, or averted entirely. Also, TVtropes has ruined my life.
  98. I've never met a Mars bar flavour I didn't like.
  99. If I am obviously flirting, I am not aware of it. Conversely, if I am deliberately trying to flirt, I am not doing a good job. Subversely, if I am flamboyantly flirting, I am joking.
  100. If I am upset, or lonely, or depressed, or panicking, I don't need sympathy. All I want is a very long hug, a shelter from the storm, and a sounding board I can rely on.
List of shoutouts (for copyright shit): Darren Hanlon (#6), Noir (#10), The Grand Old Duke Of York (#17), Serenity (#19), The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy (#25, #42 and #62), robotfindskitten (#32), The Cars (#38), Yppah (#41), Underworld (#51), asdfmovie and Inception (#60), The Herbaliser (#68), Portal (#72), Daria (#92 - subtle), TVtropes (#97, obvs) Double Dee (#100).

HONOURABLE MENTIONS (will be added to):
  • Death is an illusion. Dead people have always been dead, and I have always been and always will be alive. If I die, it means that I was never alive. (adapted from a quote from a writing website... the quote has sadly disappeared)
  • In your face, I can see your past. In my face, I hope you can see my future.
More? Comment below.

long live my cricket bat.

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