March 21, 2013

Monologue and duopoly!

"I have seen the future, and it is now."

Have a news post.

*rustle rustle* That's me trying to rustle up some good stories. Bear with me. (Or else don't Bear with me and Bear will go and find someone else.)
  • So apparently it's International Day Of Happiness, according to the UN. Doesn't affect me. I'm pretty happy all the time. Take that!
  • Accusations are being made that Bolshoi pimped out its ballerinas. Seriously? As if there ain't enough sex scandal in the world as is.
  • *rustle rustle* Ah. Smartwatches are being developed by Samsung now, it's been confirmed. This comes along with Google Glass, and about five other companies also competing to corner the smartwatch market real fast. The good news: everyone will get to pretend to be a fuckin' secret agent. The bad news: everyone will pretend to be a fuckin' secret agent.
  • *rustle rustle* Yes! The Humble Bundle, widely known for handing out bundles of media (most notably video games, but also other goodies like ebooks), have gone a step away from the bundle and are launching single games. Once a week, pick a game, pick your price, and pick the charity that part of the money goes to. ...Meh, I don't need money anyway.
  • Another reality TV show, called Celebrity Splash. Oh dear gods, not another one...
  • *rustle rustle* Here we go. A man in the US has been shot... by his dog. Apparently the pistol, which he thought was unloaded, was fully armed for when the dog kicked it, and shot the man in the leg. Police have not arrested the dog.
  • *rustle rustle* If you're gonna hotwire a car, do it properly. A 17-yr-old Austrian (I nearly typed 'Australian'... but it does sound like an Aussie) drunkenly tried to hotwire a car. He fell asleep part way through, then when he woke up, he replaced the wiring and scooted away. Wi-re you not laughing harder at this one?
  • *rustle* Germans may have no sense of humour, according to British comedians, but they sure as hell have a sense of fun. Lately, an annual topless sledding competition has been held in Altenberg. The event (open to both genders) attracted thousands of spectators this year. Sounds... cold. And exhilarating. I wanna go topless sledding now. *books tickets to Germany*
  • *rustle rustle* One more, then I get into other stuff. Autocorrect is a bitch for people living in Virginia, especially as one South Carolina mistyped that a vehicle bore a "vagina tag" (i.e. licence plate). So much for pubic... I mean public education.
And now, news from my world. Because you're all dying to hear.
  • My hair is blue!
And that is all. Because that's the only report I have in any way, shape or form that has anything to do with that awful, awful pun.

i am way too emotionally spent to write too much more, so please bear with me. again.

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