D'you get wafers with it?

Mm. I'd offer you some wafers, but I'm selfish.

Welcome back to teh CJ Curry Expericen. At least 10% of this paragrapoh was made with typos. Please forgive my spekllchecker, it knows not what it foes. Actually, if does know what it does, which is collapse and shoot fdown any chance I have of making myself look impressice. Anyway, this blog is M-rated. If you're not M, please levae.

It's my ninth post! I wish to celebrate! This is a story (or is it a play? I don't know...) of mine that I particularly liked. It's simulcast on Everything2. Give a cheer. All links lead to Everything2. In other words, E2 is the new Rome. (And black is the new pink, and red is the new black, and orange is the new aqua, and yellow is the new yellow, and pink with purple polka dots is the new taupe, and I don't know what the hell I'm saying. On with the post.)

POST 9 A.K.A. SPECIAL POST 1: YOUR JOB IS TO FIND KITTEN. THIS TASK IS COMPLICATED BY THE EXISTENCE OF VARIOUS THINGS WHICH ARE NOT KITTEN.

OK. I got it. Find kitten.
Hm. How do I find kitten?
I know. I'll touch things. If they are not kitten, they will not object.
Hello there. Are you kitten?

<touch>
It's a big smoking fish.
BIG SMOKING FISH ≠ KITTEN

That's not it. Maybe this thing will be friends with me?

<touch>
It's a kitten sink. For washing kitten. (If only kitten liked water.)
SINK ≠ KITTEN

It pleases me to be kind to what appears to be kitten... but is not kitten.
Maybe this is kitten?

<touch>
It's a tasty-looking banana creme pie.
DELICIOUS DELIGHT ≠ KITTEN

Nom nom nom... gooooooood pie!
Now where is kitten?

<touch>
It's the enbalmed corpse of Vladimir Lenin.
SOME RUSSIAN GUY ≠ KITTEN

GOD DAMMIT WHERE IS THAT KITTEN?!?!?

<touch>
We wish you a merry kitten, and a happy New Year!
FUCKING CAROL SINGERS ≠ KITTEN

<touch>
It's a fly on the wall. Hi, fly!
PESKY INSECT ≠ KITTEN

<touch>
I pity the fool who mistakes me for a kitten!
MR. T ≠ KITTEN

I am making so many friends but I am not finding kitten!

<touch>
This seems to be junk mail addressed to the finder of the Eye Of Larn.
ANNOYING MARKETING GIMMICKS ≠ KITTEN

GAHHHHH!

---

Two Hours Later

Still no kitten! WTF is going on?!?

<touch>
You found netkit! Way to go!
NETKIT ≠ KITTEN

Hooray! I found netkit! ...wait. Netkit is not kitten. Is it? ...aww.
I must still find kitten.

<touch>
A patch of mushrooms grows here.
FREAKY FUNGUS ≠ KITTEN

<touch>
It's a Cat 5 cable.
BLUE INTERNET CABLE ≠ KITTEN

<touch>
You hit the non-kitten item. The non-kitten item fails to yowl.
ANTICLIMAX ≠ KITTEN

<touch>
Robot should not be touching that.
<touch>
<touch>
<touch>
<touch>
<you dirty-minded people>

<touch>
It's the triangle leg adjacent to an angle divided by the leg opposite it.
CONFUSING MATHEMATICS ≠ KITTEN

<touch>
Fonzie sits here, mumbling incoherently about a shark and a pair of waterskis.
1970S TV CHARACTER ≠ KITTEN

<touch>
It's a blind man. When you touch, he exclaims "It's a kitten-prospecting robot!"
BLIND DUDE ≠ KITTEN

<touch>
Dear Robot, you may have already won our 10 MILLION DOLLAR prize...
FUCKING SPAMMERS ≠ KITTEN

It's GOT to be around here SOMEwhere...

Purr-meow?

Beat it, kitten. I'm looking for kitten.

Purr... <nuzzle>

<double-take> KITTEN?!?

You found kitten! Way to go, robot!
KITTEN = KITTEN

game over

Quotes in bold face adapted from the game "robotfindskitten".