Last time on the CJ Curry Experience, we played frisbee with a bunch of CDs, ate our way out of trouble, and trekked through the deepest, darkest forest of the Amazon.
And coming up today: we go swimming in an estuary, show you several file tapes of winter 2008's Great Freeze, and explain, in depth, the difference between a zebra and a zubra.
THE CJ CURRY EXPERIENCE 71: MASTER BAITER? MASS DEBATER? CUNNING LINGUIST?
Time to jump through another list. Video games! Specifically, Mario games! I've owned and/or played plenty of them. Time to tell you all about them, in descending order!
- SUPA SUMASHU BURAZA WII* (Wii): Nope. Not doing this one. Not Mario enough.
- NEW SUPER MARIO BROTHERS WII (Wii): Nice. Needs more competitive. Co-op is decent. Or at least my friends need to get better, and/or stop giggling at penguins! Still, once you get the hang of it, the penguins are useful. Penguins are fun creatures. Actually... I can see why you liked the penguins. But you killed Mario! Penguin enthusiasm ≠ good. But it also ≠ bad.
- SUPER PAPER MARIO (Wii): Pixls! Pixls are teh win, and also teh fun. I like the fact that this is a role-playing action-adventure. Good genre-crossing is good. 20-hour storyline is 20 hours. I'd say 20 hours is about standard for a decent storyline. Oh, and there's a sufficiently hard postgame as well!
- MARIO PARTY 8 (Wii): Intriguing enough to get me to 100% the thing, but far better for nerds and casuals who like TBS games. Generally tho', gamers tend to want RTS games. So it's good, and you need to think up some really good strategies, but not exactly my friends' pieces of lie.
- MARIO KART WII (Wii): Zoom.
- MARIO PARTY DS (NDS): Much the same as 8, but fractionally more fast-paced. Not a bad thing. Not a bad thing at all. Also kinda sucks to be without a DS! But enough of that. The storyline is cheap, but the games are good. I still haven't gone all 100% on the thing, but I'm getting there.
- NEW SUPER MARIO BROTHERS (NDS): MEGA MUSHROOMS! MEGA MUSHROOMS! MEGA MUSHROOMS! MEGA MUSHROOMS! MEGA FUCKING MUSHROOMS!
- MARIO KART DS (NDS): Needs more bikes. Also needs more characters. Also needs less Shine Runners. I mean, hell, what on earth are "shines"? OK, they're from Super Mario Sunshine (GCN) which I'm not reviewing here. But my god WHAT.
- SUPER MARIO GALAXY (Wii): I likey. I haven't heard great things about its sequel though. Hopefully those people are wrong and it is, in fact, a good game. I clocked, but never 100%ed, this one. The loan period died. Should have worked on it harder, and more. Stupid stupid me!
- SUPER MARIO BROS (NES): What's more fun than stomping a bunch of mushrooms, turtles and torpedoes just so you can rescue a goddamn damsel in distress? Nothing! In all its 8-bit glory, this was AWESOME. At the time. Even better was...
- SUPER MARIO BROS 3 (NES): Tanooki suits fucking owned. P-wings were good but they didn't last. Tanooki suit FTW. This game was the devil spawn but it was amazing good fun to try and clock. You can't 100% this game. Nuts.
- SUPER MARIO WORLD (SNES): I never got around to clocking the capey, Yoshi-y version of Mario Buraza. FML. Regardless, the cape was cool. Could have done with a groundpound option... otherwise known as a buttslam. Whatever you want to call the thing. Which brings me to...
- SUPER MARIO WORLD 2: YOSHI'S ISLAND (SNES): Fuckit, this isn't Mario enough either.
- MARIO TENNIS/MARIO TENNIS POWER TOUR (GBC/GBA): No. As standalone games, they were good.
- MARIO GOLF/MARIO GOLF ADVANCE TOUR (GBC/GBA): Ditto. Could have been good. The music was way better in Advance Tour and heaps decent (for GBA standards) though.
- SUPER MARIO LAND (GB): Clocked. Clocked again. Went through the fucker twice before it killed me. And I was only 8 years old. Too bloody easy. Seriously.
- MARIO AND LUIGI: SUPERSTAR SAGA (GBA): Now this is a good game. RPGs never got any better than this. Especially M&L RPGs. They needed a break from the platformer crap that they'd churned out with the GCN. (Why the hell is it abbreviated to GCN anyway? There's no N in the word "cube"! Forfucksake.)
- MARIO AND LUIGI: PARTNERS IN TIME (NDS): I dig this thing up every time I need a bit of nostalgia. When NDS games were decent, and didn't fall by the wayside with Nintendo's policy of "we want casuals, chicks and children to play our consoles so we can sell more pieces of plastic and electronics than those wankers at Sony or Microsoft". Funny enough, it worked. The game was harder than Superstar Saga.
- MARIO AND LUIGI: BOWSER'S INSIDE STORY (NDS): Also known as RPG3. Bowser sucked.
- MARIO POWER TENNIS (GCN/Wii): Probably better on the Wii. It actually used the Wiimote properly! Not many games used the Wiimote very well. But the three Cs - casuals, chicks and children - lapped the thing up. Hoping this is the end of motion controllers, because Kinect and Move both suck balls.
- MARIO AND SONIC AT THE OLYMPIC GAMES (NDS/Wii): It's good to see Nintendo and Sega put aside their differences for a change. Also good to see a decent(ish) Sonic game on a console since the Dreamcast died. Wait, why the hell am I talking about consoles? I need a drink.
Next time on the CJ Curry Experience: we liberate every single university worldwide, share with you the secret to not dreaming, and find out what the hell "BURAZA" means.