THE CJ CURRY EXPERIENCE 56: WHERE DID THE CURRY COME FROM?
You. Yeah, you. You who is reading my blog. You know me as CJ Curry, blogger extraordinaire, from Curryland. But hell, you don't know the half of it. So I'm going to tell you about how I came to be CJ Curry. But first, a quick update on my progress on the run.
Those who have good memories or access to my previous blogs will note that I have been on the run from Curryland police for the last 16 posts. I got kicked out of my old office and decided to create a ninja broadcast of the CJ Curry Experience. Unfortunately, they got wind of it and the feds are on my tail. It's getting harder and harder to come up with quality material and broadcast secretly at the same time. Fortunately, I have contacts in the fuzz... unfortunately I'm running out of bribe money. If you can send me a spare helicopter, by all means do so.
So. Where did CJ Curry come from?
I was born to my parents, BJ and Joy Curry. My grandfather is AJ Curry. This makes sense in ways you can't even begin to understand. I was born in Curryland's capital city, Currytopia, in the hospital on Curry Drive. I grew up on Curry Avenue, and my best friends were Vinnie Vindaloo and Josh Rogan. Both of them have left Curryland, though they have been in touch lately.
Growing up, I found that curry was my favourite food. It was our national dish, so it was pretty easy to like it. Pretty much every day, I'd have dinner and then go and play in Currytopia's streets until late at night, before coming home to an after-dinner kebab (curry-flavoured, of course) and a drink of warm milk before bed.
I learned computer hacking from the streets (where everybody did it) and decided to become a white-hat hacker. Ultimately, it failed as I washed my hat in with my T-shirt, and now I'm a yellow-hat hacker. I also excelled at card tricks; I would often wile away the hours making credit cards disappear and magically reappear.
My first job was a curry chef. Yes, chef as a first job. They liked me so much at Currytopia's top restaurant, and they also saw my potential as a curry masterchef. Currytopia thought of the idea of a "masterchef" long before the popular TV show, but that said, we also dropped the idea as being "ridiculous".
I learned cynicism, scarcasm, sardonicism and mathematics at Curryland's top university. I graduated with honours (although I failed at mathematics). I bought myself a Volkswagen, and applied for a job at Curryland Media as a blogger. I got the job once they saw my yellow hat... but not a job as a blogger. I started writing for the sake of writing, and you can see the results here. They decided to make me their blogger anyway.
Then they kicked me out at the end of last year after refusing to renew me.
But that's all in the past.